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Improving your bond with your partner should not only be on an emotional level but also on a neurological level. Because you don’t always feel emotionally connected with your partner. Sometimes you need to take a conscious step towards bringing yourself closer to your lover. This is why you need to target your heart as well as […]

The post 3 Little Things That’ll Dramatically Improve Your Bond with Your Partner appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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Improving your bond with your partner should not only be on an emotional level but also on a neurological level. Because you don’t always feel emotionally connected with your partner. Sometimes you need to take a conscious step towards bringing yourself closer to your lover. This is why you need to target your heart as well as your head. This way you can dramatically improve the level of closeness and connection in your relationship.

Emotional Flooding to Spark Intimacy

Our brain is wired to focus on the negative. So it’s natural for the couple to forget about the good times that they’ve shared together. Doing “positive memories flooding” experience activates dopamine and oxytocin that rekindle the intimate bond between partners.

Improving the bond with your partner

Take turns to share your three positive memories of the relationship. Make it a weekly habit. The more you train your brain to recall the positives, the easier it will become each time.

Ultimately, what we’re teaching the brain to do here is to rewire neuropathways into making closeness and intimacy your everyday experiences.

This exercise has been so powerful for my clients that in some cases it helped people save their marriage and dissolved their desire to ask for a divorce.

Seducing Your Partner’s Brain 

Another way you can strengthen your relationship regardless of your busy business schedule is to physically relive your positive memories. Visit those memorable places you’ve been to before.

It can be the place where you first met, had a romantic and sexy dinner, had great sex, where you spent your first anniversary or had a passionate kiss while on your everyday walk.

When There is Too Much Distance Between You

What some couples find challenging is to access the positive memories especially when the relationship hasn’t been that great. Some anger or frustration and emotional abuse have built up, which might make it difficult to do an Emotional Flooding experiences right away.

This is why it would be best to start with seducing your brain first into thinking positively.

Imagine going to the restaurant where you’d had an amazing date before. You can’t help but be reminded of that passionate date night experience. The next thing you’ll realize your partner and you’ll talk about that memory while also being present there physically.

Romantic Getaway to Reignite Intimacy

Working with a lot of successful business professionals and being one myself, I know the destructive power stress can have on your sex life and emotional intimacy.

This is why it becomes beneficial to spend some time away from work or other things that’s been keeping your attention away from each other. This shouldn’t be the main way you rekindle your intimacy in your relationship, but it’s a great start.

Finding your way back to each other

Ideally, you want to be able to flood yourself with positive memories to find each other again, but you have to start somewhere. Having a romantic getaway will be your gradual start towards making your relationship stress proof.

Some time alone together will help you both remember the way you felt about each other then. Once you’ll have this starting point you can take it to the next level by first seducing your partner’s brain and then doing an emotional flooding exercise.

I know sometimes it feels like you’ve drifted too far away from your partner. The guilt and shame around it prevent you from connecting with the person you love the most.

The post 3 Little Things That’ll Dramatically Improve Your Bond with Your Partner appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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Improving your bond with your partner should not only be on an emotional level but also on a neurological level. Because you don’t always feel emotionally connected with your partner. Sometimes you need to take a conscious step towards bringing yourself closer to your lover. This is why you need to target your heart as well as […]

The post 3 Little Things That’ll Dramatically Improve Your Bond with Your Partner appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(4912) "

Improving your bond with your partner should not only be on an emotional level but also on a neurological level. Because you don’t always feel emotionally connected with your partner. Sometimes you need to take a conscious step towards bringing yourself closer to your lover. This is why you need to target your heart as well as your head. This way you can dramatically improve the level of closeness and connection in your relationship.

Emotional Flooding to Spark Intimacy

Our brain is wired to focus on the negative. So it’s natural for the couple to forget about the good times that they’ve shared together. Doing “positive memories flooding” experience activates dopamine and oxytocin that rekindle the intimate bond between partners.

Improving the bond with your partner

Take turns to share your three positive memories of the relationship. Make it a weekly habit. The more you train your brain to recall the positives, the easier it will become each time.

Ultimately, what we’re teaching the brain to do here is to rewire neuropathways into making closeness and intimacy your everyday experiences.

This exercise has been so powerful for my clients that in some cases it helped people save their marriage and dissolved their desire to ask for a divorce.

Seducing Your Partner’s Brain 

Another way you can strengthen your relationship regardless of your busy business schedule is to physically relive your positive memories. Visit those memorable places you’ve been to before.

It can be the place where you first met, had a romantic and sexy dinner, had great sex, where you spent your first anniversary or had a passionate kiss while on your everyday walk.

When There is Too Much Distance Between You

What some couples find challenging is to access the positive memories especially when the relationship hasn’t been that great. Some anger or frustration and emotional abuse have built up, which might make it difficult to do an Emotional Flooding experiences right away.

This is why it would be best to start with seducing your brain first into thinking positively.

Imagine going to the restaurant where you’d had an amazing date before. You can’t help but be reminded of that passionate date night experience. The next thing you’ll realize your partner and you’ll talk about that memory while also being present there physically.

Romantic Getaway to Reignite Intimacy

Working with a lot of successful business professionals and being one myself, I know the destructive power stress can have on your sex life and emotional intimacy.

This is why it becomes beneficial to spend some time away from work or other things that’s been keeping your attention away from each other. This shouldn’t be the main way you rekindle your intimacy in your relationship, but it’s a great start.

Finding your way back to each other

Ideally, you want to be able to flood yourself with positive memories to find each other again, but you have to start somewhere. Having a romantic getaway will be your gradual start towards making your relationship stress proof.

Some time alone together will help you both remember the way you felt about each other then. Once you’ll have this starting point you can take it to the next level by first seducing your partner’s brain and then doing an emotional flooding exercise.

I know sometimes it feels like you’ve drifted too far away from your partner. The guilt and shame around it prevent you from connecting with the person you love the most.

The post 3 Little Things That’ll Dramatically Improve Your Bond with Your Partner appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1606755751) } [1]=> array(14) { ["title"]=> string(29) "Get Men Accept You as You Are" ["link"]=> string(68) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/11/30/get-men-accept-you-as-you-are/" ["comments"]=> string(76) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/11/30/get-men-accept-you-as-you-are/#respond" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(14) "Shannon Fisher" } ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 30 Nov 2020 16:56:00 +0000" ["category"]=> string(124) "Dating AdvicebreakupdatingDivorcedivorce for womenhealthy relationshipsintimacy in relationshipself-esteemtoxic relationship" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=6487" ["description"]=> string(593) "

When you’ve experienced a sense of helpless, no control, and powerlessness that comes from being in an abusive and toxic relationship, you know the feeling you get inside you once you get yourself out of it. The feeling of NO MORE and NEVER AGAIN. Your whole soul makes a commitment to never get into a relationship where you’re […]

The post Get Men Accept You as You Are appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(5735) "

When you’ve experienced a sense of helpless, no control, and powerlessness that comes from being in an abusive and toxic relationship, you know the feeling you get inside you once you get yourself out of it. The feeling of NO MORE and NEVER AGAIN. Your whole soul makes a commitment to never get into a relationship where you’re taken for granted, where you’re controlled by a man, or where you have no voice to make a decision.

With that commitment, another problem tends to show up. You start noticing that men you’re dating right now want to change you. They feel intimidated by your new success and independence. You can’t help but wonder how to get them to accept you for who you are.

I want to help you find this answer. It won’t be the answer you’re expecting, but it’ll give you a new perspective to see the reality for what it is. Because over 7 years I’ve seen successful women repeat the same pattern again and again after they come out of a nasty divorce with a narcissist.

They’re so scared of getting into the same helpless position again that after the divorce they jump into another extreme of independence and control. No matter what they try, they still end up in a wrong relationship where men either disappear or don’t connect on an intimate level. So why can’t women find the right way to solve their presenting problem?

Focusing on a wrong problem, or not a problem at all

One of the core reasons why we can’t solve a problem is because we’re not dealing with the actual problem. I know it sounds counterintuitive but it’s so true. We do so because facing the real problem would mean feeling the real pain that comes with it. As a way to avoid it, we come up with surface problems that feel lighter. But this approach is so detrimental to our happiness for a few reasons:

It’s not painful enough

We’ll do more to avoid pain than experience pleasure. The surface problem tends to not be emotional and painful enough to take the necessary action. For instance, “I want to get men to accept me for who I am” is not as powerful and serious as “The pain I experienced in my previous marriage instilled so much fear in me that I keep pushing away men anytime I feel out of control.”

No place for motivation

With the surface problem, we blame men for not appreciating us. It’s their problem, not ours. Let them do the work. We’re perfectly fine. Plus, the formulation of the problem doesn’t create enough urgency to take action and do something about it.

They don’t trust me

They don’t trust me not as in trusting my ability to help them, but rather because they see their problem differently. When I start showing the connection between their broken marriage, unhealed post-divorce trauma, and the present, they just don’t understand it. They dismiss it. They don’t hear it. This is why perception is a key in facing the real cause of pain in life, especially when dealing with divorce or breakup.

Finding the solution when nothing worked

So if you’re struggling to find a way to get men to accept you for who you are, then I’m inviting you to reflect back and see if you’re facing the truth. Because there is a reason why they find you intimidating. I know denial can be tempting because it’s just another way to not feel the pain that is so excruciating.

But the truth is just because you numbed your pain it doesn’t mean it isn’t there. It is. It shows up differently. In this case, it shows up as a problem of you not being in a loving relationship. You not being able to meet the man who loves you and respects what you have to offer to a relationship.

Stop being so hard on yourself for a wrong reason

Be honest with yourself because the truth will set you free. The first step to making a change is realizing that you were focusing on the wrong problem. Once the realization is here, you’ve already made the first step.

Don’t judge yourself for not seeing it right away. Don’t use this opportunity for growth as another chance to be hard on yourself and feel shame and guilt because of it. Rather celebrate it. You’re one step closer to where you want to be.

Finding strength to heal post-divorce trauma

The next step is to accept that you can’t deal with this on your own. You can’t. Not because you’re not strong enough or you’re weak. But rather because YOU’RE STRONG and WISE enough to know better the next time. To know better this time. I’m here for you. You’re hungry for change and healing because you’re here on my website, reading this post. It means the time has come. Cease the moment. Don’t let time run away from you.

The post Get Men Accept You as You Are appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["wfw"]=> array(1) { ["commentrss"]=> string(73) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/11/30/get-men-accept-you-as-you-are/feed/" } ["slash"]=> array(1) { ["comments"]=> string(1) "0" } ["summary"]=> string(593) "

When you’ve experienced a sense of helpless, no control, and powerlessness that comes from being in an abusive and toxic relationship, you know the feeling you get inside you once you get yourself out of it. The feeling of NO MORE and NEVER AGAIN. Your whole soul makes a commitment to never get into a relationship where you’re […]

The post Get Men Accept You as You Are appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(5735) "

When you’ve experienced a sense of helpless, no control, and powerlessness that comes from being in an abusive and toxic relationship, you know the feeling you get inside you once you get yourself out of it. The feeling of NO MORE and NEVER AGAIN. Your whole soul makes a commitment to never get into a relationship where you’re taken for granted, where you’re controlled by a man, or where you have no voice to make a decision.

With that commitment, another problem tends to show up. You start noticing that men you’re dating right now want to change you. They feel intimidated by your new success and independence. You can’t help but wonder how to get them to accept you for who you are.

I want to help you find this answer. It won’t be the answer you’re expecting, but it’ll give you a new perspective to see the reality for what it is. Because over 7 years I’ve seen successful women repeat the same pattern again and again after they come out of a nasty divorce with a narcissist.

They’re so scared of getting into the same helpless position again that after the divorce they jump into another extreme of independence and control. No matter what they try, they still end up in a wrong relationship where men either disappear or don’t connect on an intimate level. So why can’t women find the right way to solve their presenting problem?

Focusing on a wrong problem, or not a problem at all

One of the core reasons why we can’t solve a problem is because we’re not dealing with the actual problem. I know it sounds counterintuitive but it’s so true. We do so because facing the real problem would mean feeling the real pain that comes with it. As a way to avoid it, we come up with surface problems that feel lighter. But this approach is so detrimental to our happiness for a few reasons:

It’s not painful enough

We’ll do more to avoid pain than experience pleasure. The surface problem tends to not be emotional and painful enough to take the necessary action. For instance, “I want to get men to accept me for who I am” is not as powerful and serious as “The pain I experienced in my previous marriage instilled so much fear in me that I keep pushing away men anytime I feel out of control.”

No place for motivation

With the surface problem, we blame men for not appreciating us. It’s their problem, not ours. Let them do the work. We’re perfectly fine. Plus, the formulation of the problem doesn’t create enough urgency to take action and do something about it.

They don’t trust me

They don’t trust me not as in trusting my ability to help them, but rather because they see their problem differently. When I start showing the connection between their broken marriage, unhealed post-divorce trauma, and the present, they just don’t understand it. They dismiss it. They don’t hear it. This is why perception is a key in facing the real cause of pain in life, especially when dealing with divorce or breakup.

Finding the solution when nothing worked

So if you’re struggling to find a way to get men to accept you for who you are, then I’m inviting you to reflect back and see if you’re facing the truth. Because there is a reason why they find you intimidating. I know denial can be tempting because it’s just another way to not feel the pain that is so excruciating.

But the truth is just because you numbed your pain it doesn’t mean it isn’t there. It is. It shows up differently. In this case, it shows up as a problem of you not being in a loving relationship. You not being able to meet the man who loves you and respects what you have to offer to a relationship.

Stop being so hard on yourself for a wrong reason

Be honest with yourself because the truth will set you free. The first step to making a change is realizing that you were focusing on the wrong problem. Once the realization is here, you’ve already made the first step.

Don’t judge yourself for not seeing it right away. Don’t use this opportunity for growth as another chance to be hard on yourself and feel shame and guilt because of it. Rather celebrate it. You’re one step closer to where you want to be.

Finding strength to heal post-divorce trauma

The next step is to accept that you can’t deal with this on your own. You can’t. Not because you’re not strong enough or you’re weak. But rather because YOU’RE STRONG and WISE enough to know better the next time. To know better this time. I’m here for you. You’re hungry for change and healing because you’re here on my website, reading this post. It means the time has come. Cease the moment. Don’t let time run away from you.

The post Get Men Accept You as You Are appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1606755360) } [2]=> array(14) { ["title"]=> string(49) "How To Stop Being People Pleaser & Love Yourself?" ["link"]=> string(85) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/11/30/how-to-stop-being-people-pleaser-love-yourself/" ["comments"]=> string(93) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/11/30/how-to-stop-being-people-pleaser-love-yourself/#respond" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(14) "Shannon Fisher" } ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 30 Nov 2020 16:39:36 +0000" ["category"]=> string(100) "Personal Growthcoachinghealthy boundariesself loveself-compassionself-criticismself-doubtself-esteem" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=6484" ["description"]=> string(650) "

Have you ever felt being taken for granted or taken advantage of in your intimate relationships, sex life, marriage, work or friendships? Do you ever find yourself giving and giving, and then when it’s your time to ask for a small favour those TAKERS disappear. Then, you can’t help but start feeling alone in spite of having friends, spouse, […]

The post How To Stop Being People Pleaser & Love Yourself? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(6513) "

Have you ever felt being taken for granted or taken advantage of in your intimate relationships, sex life, marriage, work or friendships? Do you ever find yourself giving and giving, and then when it’s your time to ask for a small favour those TAKERS disappear. Then, you can’t help but start feeling alone in spite of having friends, spouse, partner or coworkers. You are not alone trying to be a people pleaser.

When you keep attracting TAKERS into your life, you can’t help but feel LONELY in this world full of people. This stops now. The time has come for you to stop being a people pleaser.

It starts with loving and respecting yourself first. Can you do that? Self-love is a foundation for any relationship you will ever have in your life. Therefore, the step #1 to stop being a people pleaser and doormat is to TAKE RESPONSIBILITY.

Step 1. Take the Responsibility

I know you might be wondering how can you take the responsibility for people who take you for granted and use you. Even the way you word the question puts you in a position of powerlessness. You need to change it. You can waste years, months or days blaming people for the way your life turned out or for what you can’t do in your life, but it will not take you anywhere.

In fact, the only person you won’t be able to change would be them and the only person getting affected will be you. You will make your life totally miserable in this entire exercise. This pattern will force you to seek people’s approval even more and that is why you shall start practicing self-love by loving yourself more. It is a baby step process but goes a long way.

Once you have claimed responsibility over your life and choices you make in your life, it’s time to move on to the second step to stop being a people pleaser.

Step 2. What Are You Doing That Attracts Them into Your Life?

Its a cliche saying, but it doesn’t takes away a valuable lesson it has to offer. They say it takes two to tango. Isn’t it true in this case as well? Try to look at your love relationship from a distance. Observe yourself and note down your behaviour as if you were watching a movie. By removing emotions from a situation, you can see it for what it is and decipher patterns that you fall into, which sabotage healthy relationships.

You are teaching people how to interact with you.

It is because of this reason that the practice of self-love and loving yourself helps you stop being people pleasers. Love thyself, before you love someone else. If you don’t respect yourself and don’t take time off when you need it then you shouldn’t expect people to do that for you, towards you. Do you give yourself the time when your health calls for it, or when your energy levels are depleting down!

What are Your Signals to Invite Interaction?

I used to be the greatest GIVER of all

I remember myself giving and giving in my personal relationships, but when my time came to ask for a puny favour – my friends or collaborators disappeared. It felt lonely, to say the least. I was blaming people for being pathological takers and their sense of entitlement.

I Realized Everyone is Not that Bad

So, I stopped and started pondering what could be the reason behind such a behaviour. It took a lot of bravery to do an introspection and take responsibility for my contribution towards my own relationships.

An AHA Moment of My Life

One day, I realised that I was training people to take advantage of me, although not all of them, but still too many. I figured out that I would meet normal people who cared about me and then train them to become the real TAKERS.

Today, I am going to share these patterns with you. Don’t forget to ask yourself and see if they resonate with you.

Tip 1: Do Not Avoid Questions, Face Them

As a registered sex therapist, marriage counsellor and self-love coach, I am naturally gifted with the art of asking questions. It imparts me the guidelines to help people open new doors of opportunities for themselves, but I failed when tried to answer the same questions for myself. I thought my problems didn’t matter. May be, other people had their own problems, or no one cared about what I had to say.  So, I was avoiding questions and directing the conversation to a speaker when a question was posed to me. I was very good at it.

Tip 2: Listen Quietly, Contribute to Conversation

What makes any conversation great and resourceful is the contribution made from all the participants. Have you ever had a conversation where it was so organic that both of you contributed equally to the conversation and the next thing you know – it has been 3 hours. Time flew by and you didn’t even realized.

When all you do is listen quietly, you turn a conversation into a monologue. Of course, there are deep issues behind adopting this behaviour. Maybe, you thought that your story was not worthy of being told, or you had nothing to offer to the conversation. Fear of not being good enough gets you even here. When you get afraid to say something, thinking that it may make you appear stupid or uneducated, and you let your fear dictate your choice of actions.

Tip 3: Don’t Always Say “I’m Good”, Express Your Feelings

Oh, boy! I was one of those people once. Whenever someone asked me how I was doing, the answer was always “GREAT!” What could naturally happen when you use “great” 365 days a year, even when it is just the opposite of what is actually happening into your life?

The post How To Stop Being People Pleaser & Love Yourself? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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Have you ever felt being taken for granted or taken advantage of in your intimate relationships, sex life, marriage, work or friendships? Do you ever find yourself giving and giving, and then when it’s your time to ask for a small favour those TAKERS disappear. Then, you can’t help but start feeling alone in spite of having friends, spouse, […]

The post How To Stop Being People Pleaser & Love Yourself? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(6513) "

Have you ever felt being taken for granted or taken advantage of in your intimate relationships, sex life, marriage, work or friendships? Do you ever find yourself giving and giving, and then when it’s your time to ask for a small favour those TAKERS disappear. Then, you can’t help but start feeling alone in spite of having friends, spouse, partner or coworkers. You are not alone trying to be a people pleaser.

When you keep attracting TAKERS into your life, you can’t help but feel LONELY in this world full of people. This stops now. The time has come for you to stop being a people pleaser.

It starts with loving and respecting yourself first. Can you do that? Self-love is a foundation for any relationship you will ever have in your life. Therefore, the step #1 to stop being a people pleaser and doormat is to TAKE RESPONSIBILITY.

Step 1. Take the Responsibility

I know you might be wondering how can you take the responsibility for people who take you for granted and use you. Even the way you word the question puts you in a position of powerlessness. You need to change it. You can waste years, months or days blaming people for the way your life turned out or for what you can’t do in your life, but it will not take you anywhere.

In fact, the only person you won’t be able to change would be them and the only person getting affected will be you. You will make your life totally miserable in this entire exercise. This pattern will force you to seek people’s approval even more and that is why you shall start practicing self-love by loving yourself more. It is a baby step process but goes a long way.

Once you have claimed responsibility over your life and choices you make in your life, it’s time to move on to the second step to stop being a people pleaser.

Step 2. What Are You Doing That Attracts Them into Your Life?

Its a cliche saying, but it doesn’t takes away a valuable lesson it has to offer. They say it takes two to tango. Isn’t it true in this case as well? Try to look at your love relationship from a distance. Observe yourself and note down your behaviour as if you were watching a movie. By removing emotions from a situation, you can see it for what it is and decipher patterns that you fall into, which sabotage healthy relationships.

You are teaching people how to interact with you.

It is because of this reason that the practice of self-love and loving yourself helps you stop being people pleasers. Love thyself, before you love someone else. If you don’t respect yourself and don’t take time off when you need it then you shouldn’t expect people to do that for you, towards you. Do you give yourself the time when your health calls for it, or when your energy levels are depleting down!

What are Your Signals to Invite Interaction?

I used to be the greatest GIVER of all

I remember myself giving and giving in my personal relationships, but when my time came to ask for a puny favour – my friends or collaborators disappeared. It felt lonely, to say the least. I was blaming people for being pathological takers and their sense of entitlement.

I Realized Everyone is Not that Bad

So, I stopped and started pondering what could be the reason behind such a behaviour. It took a lot of bravery to do an introspection and take responsibility for my contribution towards my own relationships.

An AHA Moment of My Life

One day, I realised that I was training people to take advantage of me, although not all of them, but still too many. I figured out that I would meet normal people who cared about me and then train them to become the real TAKERS.

Today, I am going to share these patterns with you. Don’t forget to ask yourself and see if they resonate with you.

Tip 1: Do Not Avoid Questions, Face Them

As a registered sex therapist, marriage counsellor and self-love coach, I am naturally gifted with the art of asking questions. It imparts me the guidelines to help people open new doors of opportunities for themselves, but I failed when tried to answer the same questions for myself. I thought my problems didn’t matter. May be, other people had their own problems, or no one cared about what I had to say.  So, I was avoiding questions and directing the conversation to a speaker when a question was posed to me. I was very good at it.

Tip 2: Listen Quietly, Contribute to Conversation

What makes any conversation great and resourceful is the contribution made from all the participants. Have you ever had a conversation where it was so organic that both of you contributed equally to the conversation and the next thing you know – it has been 3 hours. Time flew by and you didn’t even realized.

When all you do is listen quietly, you turn a conversation into a monologue. Of course, there are deep issues behind adopting this behaviour. Maybe, you thought that your story was not worthy of being told, or you had nothing to offer to the conversation. Fear of not being good enough gets you even here. When you get afraid to say something, thinking that it may make you appear stupid or uneducated, and you let your fear dictate your choice of actions.

Tip 3: Don’t Always Say “I’m Good”, Express Your Feelings

Oh, boy! I was one of those people once. Whenever someone asked me how I was doing, the answer was always “GREAT!” What could naturally happen when you use “great” 365 days a year, even when it is just the opposite of what is actually happening into your life?

The post How To Stop Being People Pleaser & Love Yourself? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1606754376) } [3]=> array(14) { ["title"]=> string(43) "Top Reasons You Can’t Let Go Of Your Past" ["link"]=> string(79) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/11/30/top-reasons-you-cant-let-go-of-your-past/" ["comments"]=> string(87) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/11/30/top-reasons-you-cant-let-go-of-your-past/#respond" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(14) "Shannon Fisher" } ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 30 Nov 2020 16:16:43 +0000" ["category"]=> string(118) "Divorce And Breakupsbreak upcouples counsellingDivorcedivorce for womenINTIMACYself worthself-esteemtoxic relationship" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=6478" ["description"]=> string(608) "

Divorce or heartbreak is one of the most painful experiences we’ll ever go through. What perpetuates this pain is getting stuck in the past when your life is actually moving on. Today, I’ll be sharing the top 3 reasons women can’t let go of the past after a heartbreak. Pushing Him or Hurting Yourself? This is a big […]

The post Top Reasons You Can’t Let Go Of Your Past appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(6417) "

Divorce or heartbreak is one of the most painful experiences we’ll ever go through. What perpetuates this pain is getting stuck in the past when your life is actually moving on. Today, I’ll be sharing the top 3 reasons women can’t let go of the past after a heartbreak.

Pushing Him or Hurting Yourself?

This is a big one. When a heartbreak comes out of the blue, you can’t help but turn into a dragon, who opens her mouth and it’s only fire that comes out. When we’re filled with “he’s wrong/I’m right” anger, it can be all too easy to fall down the slippery slope of holding on to that anger and unforgiveness as a tool for vengeance. Or if you’re going through a divorce, writing to your lawyer every single minute can turn into a bill, which equivalents to a brand-new Range Rover.

Solution:

Get clear on your motivation before you go the route of punishing your ex and slow death for yourself.

When I worked with Jennifer, she didn’t care about anything in her first year of marriage. But it was like an oxygen for her to make sure that John shared her pain. She was on the mission to not make his life easy. Through our work together, she realised the detrimental impact the revenge had on HER happiness. She was trapping herself in the cage.

Looking back, she regrets allowing her emotions to dictate so many decisions. One day she told me, “I believed that I was stretching out the divorce to punish Jonh. I didn’t want him to get off the hook so easily. But I was really punishing and hurting myself. He’d moved on.

Bad-Mouthing Yourself or Your Ex?

Sarah was furious to hear that David asked for a divorce after his affair came out. She couldn’t think straight. She wanted to destroy everything and everyone because of the injustice and unfairness she felt. All she could see was that he was abandoning her and their two kids for someone else.

As soon as daughters started splitting their time between their mom’s and dad’s home, Sarah couldn’t help but interrogate the girls every time they got back from the dad’s. Sarah took on a role of communicating the anger and resentment she couldn’t express to David to the girls. One night when Sarah was pouring her anger out on girls, they started to cry. They said, “I’m sorry mom, but I don’t know how to answer your questions anymore. Either way I’m wrong.”

Solution:

Sarah learned the importance of not bad-mouthing her kid’s father. Because it drags the pain with you. What might be an angry outburst in the beginning of the breakup can turn into a lifelong pattern of not letting go.

Remind yourself not to burden your kids or friends with the details of what had happened over and over again. You completely have the right to share what needs to be shared but don’t talk about the other woman. Now it’s the time to focus on yourself, not on other women.

When Reasons For Leaving Aren’t Good Enough

Haven’t we all been there? When heartbreak comes from nowhere, you can’t help but look for the reasons inside because the real reason doesn’t sound good enough to break the relationship. You still want to save your marriage. At some point, you realise that you’ve been doing everything for everyone – helping everyone out.

A few years later you discover that everything is on your shoulders: the house, the kids, the garden, and family panning…. you’re exhausted. But instead of seeing the situation for what it is, you start blaming others for not appreciating the things or self-sacrifice you did for them.

No one will give you a medal for not loving yourself. The world is filled with women who initially started to put everyone else before themselves only to find themselves doing everything and running on empty. If you have hard times dealing with guilt when taking time for yourself, then read this about self-love.

Solution:

You let everyone need something from you. Now it’s time to do something for you. Now it’s time to learn the value of asking for help. Reach out to me to help you get the life and love you want faster and less painful. You’ll quickly discover that if you turn to professionals like myself you’ll get to the bottom of things faster.

Seeking professional support during early months of your divorce or breakup makes it possible for you to help your kids, nurture your business, and be a better friend in ways you could never have alone.

Now that you’ve got a deep insight into what’s been holding you back, let me know what aha moments you had. Plus, share what stopped you from realizing all of that on your own? What fears?

The fear of facing reality will go away if you have a professional to guide you to the HOW.

The best advice is to seek the best advice. Don’t rely on your best friends to help you. Seek professional help. It’ll save you tears, time in pain, sleepless nights, and bottles of wine.

The post Top Reasons You Can’t Let Go Of Your Past appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["wfw"]=> array(1) { ["commentrss"]=> string(84) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/11/30/top-reasons-you-cant-let-go-of-your-past/feed/" } ["slash"]=> array(1) { ["comments"]=> string(1) "0" } ["summary"]=> string(608) "

Divorce or heartbreak is one of the most painful experiences we’ll ever go through. What perpetuates this pain is getting stuck in the past when your life is actually moving on. Today, I’ll be sharing the top 3 reasons women can’t let go of the past after a heartbreak. Pushing Him or Hurting Yourself? This is a big […]

The post Top Reasons You Can’t Let Go Of Your Past appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(6417) "

Divorce or heartbreak is one of the most painful experiences we’ll ever go through. What perpetuates this pain is getting stuck in the past when your life is actually moving on. Today, I’ll be sharing the top 3 reasons women can’t let go of the past after a heartbreak.

Pushing Him or Hurting Yourself?

This is a big one. When a heartbreak comes out of the blue, you can’t help but turn into a dragon, who opens her mouth and it’s only fire that comes out. When we’re filled with “he’s wrong/I’m right” anger, it can be all too easy to fall down the slippery slope of holding on to that anger and unforgiveness as a tool for vengeance. Or if you’re going through a divorce, writing to your lawyer every single minute can turn into a bill, which equivalents to a brand-new Range Rover.

Solution:

Get clear on your motivation before you go the route of punishing your ex and slow death for yourself.

When I worked with Jennifer, she didn’t care about anything in her first year of marriage. But it was like an oxygen for her to make sure that John shared her pain. She was on the mission to not make his life easy. Through our work together, she realised the detrimental impact the revenge had on HER happiness. She was trapping herself in the cage.

Looking back, she regrets allowing her emotions to dictate so many decisions. One day she told me, “I believed that I was stretching out the divorce to punish Jonh. I didn’t want him to get off the hook so easily. But I was really punishing and hurting myself. He’d moved on.

Bad-Mouthing Yourself or Your Ex?

Sarah was furious to hear that David asked for a divorce after his affair came out. She couldn’t think straight. She wanted to destroy everything and everyone because of the injustice and unfairness she felt. All she could see was that he was abandoning her and their two kids for someone else.

As soon as daughters started splitting their time between their mom’s and dad’s home, Sarah couldn’t help but interrogate the girls every time they got back from the dad’s. Sarah took on a role of communicating the anger and resentment she couldn’t express to David to the girls. One night when Sarah was pouring her anger out on girls, they started to cry. They said, “I’m sorry mom, but I don’t know how to answer your questions anymore. Either way I’m wrong.”

Solution:

Sarah learned the importance of not bad-mouthing her kid’s father. Because it drags the pain with you. What might be an angry outburst in the beginning of the breakup can turn into a lifelong pattern of not letting go.

Remind yourself not to burden your kids or friends with the details of what had happened over and over again. You completely have the right to share what needs to be shared but don’t talk about the other woman. Now it’s the time to focus on yourself, not on other women.

When Reasons For Leaving Aren’t Good Enough

Haven’t we all been there? When heartbreak comes from nowhere, you can’t help but look for the reasons inside because the real reason doesn’t sound good enough to break the relationship. You still want to save your marriage. At some point, you realise that you’ve been doing everything for everyone – helping everyone out.

A few years later you discover that everything is on your shoulders: the house, the kids, the garden, and family panning…. you’re exhausted. But instead of seeing the situation for what it is, you start blaming others for not appreciating the things or self-sacrifice you did for them.

No one will give you a medal for not loving yourself. The world is filled with women who initially started to put everyone else before themselves only to find themselves doing everything and running on empty. If you have hard times dealing with guilt when taking time for yourself, then read this about self-love.

Solution:

You let everyone need something from you. Now it’s time to do something for you. Now it’s time to learn the value of asking for help. Reach out to me to help you get the life and love you want faster and less painful. You’ll quickly discover that if you turn to professionals like myself you’ll get to the bottom of things faster.

Seeking professional support during early months of your divorce or breakup makes it possible for you to help your kids, nurture your business, and be a better friend in ways you could never have alone.

Now that you’ve got a deep insight into what’s been holding you back, let me know what aha moments you had. Plus, share what stopped you from realizing all of that on your own? What fears?

The fear of facing reality will go away if you have a professional to guide you to the HOW.

The best advice is to seek the best advice. Don’t rely on your best friends to help you. Seek professional help. It’ll save you tears, time in pain, sleepless nights, and bottles of wine.

The post Top Reasons You Can’t Let Go Of Your Past appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1606753003) } [4]=> array(14) { ["title"]=> string(33) "5 Signs Your Breakup Was for Good" ["link"]=> string(79) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/11/30/5-signs-your-breakup-was-for-good-or-bad/" ["comments"]=> string(87) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/11/30/5-signs-your-breakup-was-for-good-or-bad/#respond" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(14) "Shannon Fisher" } ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 30 Nov 2020 15:40:50 +0000" ["category"]=> string(122) "Divorce And Breakupsbreakbreak upDivorcedivorce for womenLOVE AND SEXself loveself-compassionself-esteemtoxic relationship" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=6472" ["description"]=> string(580) "

Breakups hurt. I thought I’d grow older and it won’t hurt as bad only to find out that the heartbreak pain doesn’t decrease with age. It hurt when I was fourteen as much as it did later in my life. I also see it from working with women who’re healing or going through a divorce. When the pain is […]

The post 5 Signs Your Breakup Was for Good appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(6574) "

Breakups hurt. I thought I’d grow older and it won’t hurt as bad only to find out that the heartbreak pain doesn’t decrease with age. It hurt when I was fourteen as much as it did later in my life. I also see it from working with women who’re healing or going through a divorce. When the pain is overwhelming it’s extremely hard to see the positive lessons that breakup gives you. But they’re there if you really want to see them. Here’re the 5 signs your breakup was for the best.

1.Your Worst Fears Come True

The tipping point for many people is the realization that their relationships are bringing out the worst in them and their partners. You start turning into your parents, who might have been fighting all of your childhood. One day you made yourself a promise to NEVER become them, yet you catch yourself in a relationship that isn’t far from what you’ve been trying to escape.

Instead of losing yourself in self-doubt or self-criticism, give yourself a huge hug for letting go of something that didn’t serve you. You’re the maker of your life. That breakup gave you an opportunity to find yourself again.

2.The Bad Times Outweigh The Good Ones

How many times were you giving this relationship a second chance? You were hoping that it’ll work out. You even went to couples therapy. You tried to compromise, understand each other’s point of view, and make it work. But one night you were taken by surprise – by a wave of realization that the silence and the distance between you two have been growing wider and more painful.

The pain starts to overpower and erase the good memories. Even dining out with your friends becomes an unpleasant experience because you see what you’re missing on. When you know in your heart that the bad has become the new norm for your relationship, then it’s a sign that leaving the relationship was the right choice. Bear in mind that RIGHT doesn’t necessarily mean PAINLESS. 

3.Nothing You Tried Is Making Things Better

A client of mine, Laura, couldn’t any longer deny that something was missing in her marriage. She found herself staying late at her demanding business, dental practice, all while resenting her husband.

During those nights at the office, she would recall everything that they tried to save their marriage. Therapy and heart-to-heart conversations hadn’t changed things. Compromising and trying to become “better” persons also didn’t help.

It actually only made Laura forget who she truly was. It got to the point where even a light breath of her husband made her crazy.

When in your heart you know that you’ve tried everything you could without sacrificing your self-value and self-esteem, then give yourself permission to face the reality. Sometimes relationships don’t work out. If on your way of trying to save a relationship you realize that you’ve lost yourself than the divorce is the gift you give yourself.

4.The Movie You Don’t Want Your Kids To See

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard from women that they stayed in a relationship because of the kids. Because they didn’t want to hurt them by going through a divorce. But it’s not fair to blame a 5-year-old for your decision to stay in a relationship that is torture.

When you’re letting your children see the fights, the distance, the coldness, and that neglect, it’s far from setting a good example for your children, isn’t it? It’s not even an ok example. It’s a BAD example. Your fear makes your children pay for the lack of your action.

Your kids are seeing you – THEIR ROLE MODEL – being mistreated or mistreating their father, devalued, emotionally abused or neglected. Instead of worrying about hurting them, you need to realize that you’re ALREADY hurting them. You worry should be that they’ll seek out this type of relationship when they grow up.

5.Repeating The History

When you catch yourself in a relationship that is just a replica of the toxic relationships you were surrounded by when growing up, you know that leaving that relationship is the life-changing step.

Why? Because when you’re treated a certain way that is abusive and disrespectful right from an early age, you get immune to it. When you get immune to it, you think that the way you’re treated is OK. But it’s not.

Your work becomes about unlearning thinking that you were supposed to be treated this way. Otherwise, I see the most successful women become hopeless and depressed about the relationship.

The post 5 Signs Your Breakup Was for Good appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["wfw"]=> array(1) { ["commentrss"]=> string(84) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/11/30/5-signs-your-breakup-was-for-good-or-bad/feed/" } ["slash"]=> array(1) { ["comments"]=> string(1) "0" } ["summary"]=> string(580) "

Breakups hurt. I thought I’d grow older and it won’t hurt as bad only to find out that the heartbreak pain doesn’t decrease with age. It hurt when I was fourteen as much as it did later in my life. I also see it from working with women who’re healing or going through a divorce. When the pain is […]

The post 5 Signs Your Breakup Was for Good appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(6574) "

Breakups hurt. I thought I’d grow older and it won’t hurt as bad only to find out that the heartbreak pain doesn’t decrease with age. It hurt when I was fourteen as much as it did later in my life. I also see it from working with women who’re healing or going through a divorce. When the pain is overwhelming it’s extremely hard to see the positive lessons that breakup gives you. But they’re there if you really want to see them. Here’re the 5 signs your breakup was for the best.

1.Your Worst Fears Come True

The tipping point for many people is the realization that their relationships are bringing out the worst in them and their partners. You start turning into your parents, who might have been fighting all of your childhood. One day you made yourself a promise to NEVER become them, yet you catch yourself in a relationship that isn’t far from what you’ve been trying to escape.

Instead of losing yourself in self-doubt or self-criticism, give yourself a huge hug for letting go of something that didn’t serve you. You’re the maker of your life. That breakup gave you an opportunity to find yourself again.

2.The Bad Times Outweigh The Good Ones

How many times were you giving this relationship a second chance? You were hoping that it’ll work out. You even went to couples therapy. You tried to compromise, understand each other’s point of view, and make it work. But one night you were taken by surprise – by a wave of realization that the silence and the distance between you two have been growing wider and more painful.

The pain starts to overpower and erase the good memories. Even dining out with your friends becomes an unpleasant experience because you see what you’re missing on. When you know in your heart that the bad has become the new norm for your relationship, then it’s a sign that leaving the relationship was the right choice. Bear in mind that RIGHT doesn’t necessarily mean PAINLESS. 

3.Nothing You Tried Is Making Things Better

A client of mine, Laura, couldn’t any longer deny that something was missing in her marriage. She found herself staying late at her demanding business, dental practice, all while resenting her husband.

During those nights at the office, she would recall everything that they tried to save their marriage. Therapy and heart-to-heart conversations hadn’t changed things. Compromising and trying to become “better” persons also didn’t help.

It actually only made Laura forget who she truly was. It got to the point where even a light breath of her husband made her crazy.

When in your heart you know that you’ve tried everything you could without sacrificing your self-value and self-esteem, then give yourself permission to face the reality. Sometimes relationships don’t work out. If on your way of trying to save a relationship you realize that you’ve lost yourself than the divorce is the gift you give yourself.

4.The Movie You Don’t Want Your Kids To See

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard from women that they stayed in a relationship because of the kids. Because they didn’t want to hurt them by going through a divorce. But it’s not fair to blame a 5-year-old for your decision to stay in a relationship that is torture.

When you’re letting your children see the fights, the distance, the coldness, and that neglect, it’s far from setting a good example for your children, isn’t it? It’s not even an ok example. It’s a BAD example. Your fear makes your children pay for the lack of your action.

Your kids are seeing you – THEIR ROLE MODEL – being mistreated or mistreating their father, devalued, emotionally abused or neglected. Instead of worrying about hurting them, you need to realize that you’re ALREADY hurting them. You worry should be that they’ll seek out this type of relationship when they grow up.

5.Repeating The History

When you catch yourself in a relationship that is just a replica of the toxic relationships you were surrounded by when growing up, you know that leaving that relationship is the life-changing step.

Why? Because when you’re treated a certain way that is abusive and disrespectful right from an early age, you get immune to it. When you get immune to it, you think that the way you’re treated is OK. But it’s not.

Your work becomes about unlearning thinking that you were supposed to be treated this way. Otherwise, I see the most successful women become hopeless and depressed about the relationship.

The post 5 Signs Your Breakup Was for Good appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1606750850) } [5]=> array(14) { ["title"]=> string(34) "7 Reasons You Keep Failing In Love" ["link"]=> string(73) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/11/30/7-reasons-you-keep-failing-in-love/" ["comments"]=> string(81) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/11/30/7-reasons-you-keep-failing-in-love/#respond" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(14) "Shannon Fisher" } ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 30 Nov 2020 15:33:12 +0000" ["category"]=> string(35) "Divorce And BreakupsPersonal Growth" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=6468" ["description"]=> string(589) "

Why do you Keep Failing in Love? Have you ever wondered why you keep attracting the wrong men who just treat you bad and disrespect you? Have you ever been in a toxic relationship which destroyed your self-esteem and self-value? Yet, you didn’t see it while you were in the midst of such a bad relationship with your […]

The post 7 Reasons You Keep Failing In Love appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(6916) "

Why do you Keep Failing in Love?

Have you ever wondered why you keep attracting the wrong men who just treat you bad and disrespect you? Have you ever been in a toxic relationship which destroyed your self-esteem and self-value? Yet, you didn’t see it while you were in the midst of such a bad relationship with your partner.

This blindness left you feeling ashamed and embarrassed. Why wouldn’t it? You are an intelligent woman who has built a successful career, and on the outside, it looks like you have everything going great for you. Why can’t you see the reality just for some stupid reasons?

It is Time For Some Hot Truth

The key reason you keep repeating this egregiously painful pattern in your love life is that YOU are treating YOU bad and disrespecting YOU. What happens is you just keep attracting a mirrored relationship that you have with yourself into your love life. The success that you have accomplished in your career or other areas of your life has nothing to do with it.

You having money in a bank account is not indicative or a reflection of an amazingly intimate and nurturing relationship with yourself. The reason as to why your ex was abusive, never paid attention to you, disregarded your needs, or cheated on you is because you have been doing it all to yourself. He was just a reflection of the relationship that you have with yourself.

Career as a Band-Aid

Quite on the contrary, having success in other areas of your life makes it all so confusing for you to navigate through your love life. In your career, you don’t need to be as vulnerable as you have to be in your love life. Although, if you want to have a passionate and respectful relationship. But here is the secret, the only way for you to have and create a fantastic relationship or marriage is to date yourself for a little bit.

What I see happening in so many women’s’ lives is that they’re so afraid of loneliness that they are in a constant need of a man. They want this man to be capable enough to make them feel complete, desired, feminine or loved.

Stop Chasing The Secret That Doesn’t Exist

There are no shortcuts to building a healthy relationship with a man. You need to feel your own self. Feel the inner girl stuck inside you, who is crying for attention and love from you. But, what you have been doing instead is chasing that attention from men. Although, you should know that it doesn’t work this way. It is because of this reason that you still feel so empty. The person who can give it all to that little girl inside of you is no one else but YOU and ONLY YOU.

Women keep jumping from one relationship to another without taking the time to date themselves, without taking the time to heal and feel the pain. You use your new relationship as a Band-Aid to suppress the feeling of your broken heart. You also cover the pain from childhood trauma that you had experienced, which was triggered by a breakup or divorce.

Are You Whoring Your Love?

Dating is great if you come from a place of abundance, where you love another person because you have an excess of love from loving yourself. No one tells you about the two places from which most people from their love life: marriage or intimate relationships. Let us use half full or empty glass of bubbles as a metaphor.

A first position is a place of abundance. Your glass is full. You take the time to love, accept and trust yourself. Finally, you have so much of self-love that it starts spilling out of the glass. This is where you decide to share it with another person by creating a relationship where you give, celebrate and grow. Unfortunately, this is not how 99% of us build our love lives.

Deep Dive Into Reality of Love Life

The second and more frequent position that most people set off from to build their relationship is scarcity. Your glass is half full. Instead of filling it yourself, you want a man to fill your empty glass for you. You need a man to feel complete, desired and wanted. It is because of your desire to feel complete; you start a relationship.

As a result, you make your intimate relationship a place to take. It turns out as a business venture, rather than being a spiritual and sacred union of two souls. Being in such a weak position, we start whoring for love. Although, by behaving in this manner, you will never feel worthy, loved and alive enough.

If you are in the second position, then you will probably start dating. You will stay in a wrong relationship simply because you are too afraid to be alone. It is exacerbated by the fact that time is flying and almost half of your life is gone now. You are probably even more afraid to stay alone than ever before. Finally, you start living in a constant state of fear and loneliness. A state in which no success in your career will ever compensate for the loss that you bear.

As a result, you start facing many consequences, which are obviously quite painful: broken heart, breakup, divorceself-doubt, low self-esteem, and ongoing emotional trauma.

The post 7 Reasons You Keep Failing In Love appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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Why do you Keep Failing in Love? Have you ever wondered why you keep attracting the wrong men who just treat you bad and disrespect you? Have you ever been in a toxic relationship which destroyed your self-esteem and self-value? Yet, you didn’t see it while you were in the midst of such a bad relationship with your […]

The post 7 Reasons You Keep Failing In Love appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(6916) "

Why do you Keep Failing in Love?

Have you ever wondered why you keep attracting the wrong men who just treat you bad and disrespect you? Have you ever been in a toxic relationship which destroyed your self-esteem and self-value? Yet, you didn’t see it while you were in the midst of such a bad relationship with your partner.

This blindness left you feeling ashamed and embarrassed. Why wouldn’t it? You are an intelligent woman who has built a successful career, and on the outside, it looks like you have everything going great for you. Why can’t you see the reality just for some stupid reasons?

It is Time For Some Hot Truth

The key reason you keep repeating this egregiously painful pattern in your love life is that YOU are treating YOU bad and disrespecting YOU. What happens is you just keep attracting a mirrored relationship that you have with yourself into your love life. The success that you have accomplished in your career or other areas of your life has nothing to do with it.

You having money in a bank account is not indicative or a reflection of an amazingly intimate and nurturing relationship with yourself. The reason as to why your ex was abusive, never paid attention to you, disregarded your needs, or cheated on you is because you have been doing it all to yourself. He was just a reflection of the relationship that you have with yourself.

Career as a Band-Aid

Quite on the contrary, having success in other areas of your life makes it all so confusing for you to navigate through your love life. In your career, you don’t need to be as vulnerable as you have to be in your love life. Although, if you want to have a passionate and respectful relationship. But here is the secret, the only way for you to have and create a fantastic relationship or marriage is to date yourself for a little bit.

What I see happening in so many women’s’ lives is that they’re so afraid of loneliness that they are in a constant need of a man. They want this man to be capable enough to make them feel complete, desired, feminine or loved.

Stop Chasing The Secret That Doesn’t Exist

There are no shortcuts to building a healthy relationship with a man. You need to feel your own self. Feel the inner girl stuck inside you, who is crying for attention and love from you. But, what you have been doing instead is chasing that attention from men. Although, you should know that it doesn’t work this way. It is because of this reason that you still feel so empty. The person who can give it all to that little girl inside of you is no one else but YOU and ONLY YOU.

Women keep jumping from one relationship to another without taking the time to date themselves, without taking the time to heal and feel the pain. You use your new relationship as a Band-Aid to suppress the feeling of your broken heart. You also cover the pain from childhood trauma that you had experienced, which was triggered by a breakup or divorce.

Are You Whoring Your Love?

Dating is great if you come from a place of abundance, where you love another person because you have an excess of love from loving yourself. No one tells you about the two places from which most people from their love life: marriage or intimate relationships. Let us use half full or empty glass of bubbles as a metaphor.

A first position is a place of abundance. Your glass is full. You take the time to love, accept and trust yourself. Finally, you have so much of self-love that it starts spilling out of the glass. This is where you decide to share it with another person by creating a relationship where you give, celebrate and grow. Unfortunately, this is not how 99% of us build our love lives.

Deep Dive Into Reality of Love Life

The second and more frequent position that most people set off from to build their relationship is scarcity. Your glass is half full. Instead of filling it yourself, you want a man to fill your empty glass for you. You need a man to feel complete, desired and wanted. It is because of your desire to feel complete; you start a relationship.

As a result, you make your intimate relationship a place to take. It turns out as a business venture, rather than being a spiritual and sacred union of two souls. Being in such a weak position, we start whoring for love. Although, by behaving in this manner, you will never feel worthy, loved and alive enough.

If you are in the second position, then you will probably start dating. You will stay in a wrong relationship simply because you are too afraid to be alone. It is exacerbated by the fact that time is flying and almost half of your life is gone now. You are probably even more afraid to stay alone than ever before. Finally, you start living in a constant state of fear and loneliness. A state in which no success in your career will ever compensate for the loss that you bear.

As a result, you start facing many consequences, which are obviously quite painful: broken heart, breakup, divorceself-doubt, low self-esteem, and ongoing emotional trauma.

The post 7 Reasons You Keep Failing In Love appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1606750392) } [6]=> array(14) { ["title"]=> string(70) "Virtual Cheating: A New Form of Infidelity, Self-deception, or Relief?" ["link"]=> string(105) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/11/30/virtual-cheating-a-new-form-of-infidelity-self-deception-or-relief/" ["comments"]=> string(113) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/11/30/virtual-cheating-a-new-form-of-infidelity-self-deception-or-relief/#respond" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 30 Nov 2020 15:12:26 +0000" ["category"]=> string(19) "Relationship Advice" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=6462" ["description"]=> string(655) "

The probability that a person can cheat on a partner, depending on the duration of the relationship, varies between 40 and 70%. But, today, people are increasingly choosing to keep in touch through websites and chat apps instead of real dates, thanks to which a new form of infidelity has begun to spread rapidly. There […]

The post Virtual Cheating: A New Form of Infidelity, Self-deception, or Relief? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(5165) "

The probability that a person can cheat on a partner, depending on the duration of the relationship, varies between 40 and 70%. But, today, people are increasingly choosing to keep in touch through websites and chat apps instead of real dates, thanks to which a new form of infidelity has begun to spread rapidly.

There is a whole industry of sites like Ladadate that are full of Slavic women and that serve people who have regular real partners but are looking for virtual relationships. Moreover, statistics show that 69% of men and 47% of women surveyed do not consider online affairs to be cheating and a threat to their monogamous relationships. Let us take a look at some aspects of this rapidly gaining popularity phenomenon.

1.  Acquaintances Without Dating

On the Internet, you can find numerous stories about virtual romances with people who are attractive and pleasant until the moment when it comes to a real date. After that, they disappear. Among these online lovers, a significant proportion of people with long-term family experience and children, as well as unmarried people who are behind their regular partners’ back when they are asleep or absent, are in a distant relationship with someone else through apps. They are not going to develop their connections further than the Internet, but they do not want to do without them.

texting man

2.  The Place of an Online Affair in Real Relationships

Most people would consider it cheating, but not John Portmann, assistant professor at the University of Virginia and author of In Defense of Lust. He says virtual relationships can be helpful. He sees these new types of infidelity as a safety valve in traditional monogamous relationships. They can be compared to the birth control pill that prevents unwanted pregnancies. Only in this case, virtual betrayal insures against real infidelity or divorce.

In his essay Conversation Isn’t Cheating, Portmann argues that if we assume that extramarital affairs no longer exist in real life, and sex outside of someone’s relationship is just a high-tech flirtation that promotes healthy sexual release, then it is comparable to erotic literature. Why not give such infidelity a place in a monogamous relationship? It preserves sexual exclusivity for a real partner and requires a titanic power of imagination for a virtual one.

3.  Honesty is the Best Policy

While the Internet has blurred the line between loyalty and infidelity, old-fashioned prim honesty wins. If you really need someone besides a real person with whom you would like to flirt on the Internet, discuss this with your regular partner. If you stick to certain boundaries, you may get permission, and your better half may want to do the same. But above all, be honest.

4.  Software Flirt

Since 2016, several major tech companies have introduced bot platforms that are being touted as a new frontier in our interaction with services on the Internet. According to roboticist David Levy, we are at the beginning of a new sexual revolution, in which intelligent machines will bear us romantic company online. He believes that in a few years, there will be sexual bots that have complex intelligence, including encyclopedic knowledge and a whole range of emotions.

In any case, it is up to you to decide if virtual flirting is cheating or not.

The post Virtual Cheating: A New Form of Infidelity, Self-deception, or Relief? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["wfw"]=> array(1) { ["commentrss"]=> string(110) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/11/30/virtual-cheating-a-new-form-of-infidelity-self-deception-or-relief/feed/" } ["slash"]=> array(1) { ["comments"]=> string(1) "0" } ["summary"]=> string(655) "

The probability that a person can cheat on a partner, depending on the duration of the relationship, varies between 40 and 70%. But, today, people are increasingly choosing to keep in touch through websites and chat apps instead of real dates, thanks to which a new form of infidelity has begun to spread rapidly. There […]

The post Virtual Cheating: A New Form of Infidelity, Self-deception, or Relief? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(5165) "

The probability that a person can cheat on a partner, depending on the duration of the relationship, varies between 40 and 70%. But, today, people are increasingly choosing to keep in touch through websites and chat apps instead of real dates, thanks to which a new form of infidelity has begun to spread rapidly.

There is a whole industry of sites like Ladadate that are full of Slavic women and that serve people who have regular real partners but are looking for virtual relationships. Moreover, statistics show that 69% of men and 47% of women surveyed do not consider online affairs to be cheating and a threat to their monogamous relationships. Let us take a look at some aspects of this rapidly gaining popularity phenomenon.

1.  Acquaintances Without Dating

On the Internet, you can find numerous stories about virtual romances with people who are attractive and pleasant until the moment when it comes to a real date. After that, they disappear. Among these online lovers, a significant proportion of people with long-term family experience and children, as well as unmarried people who are behind their regular partners’ back when they are asleep or absent, are in a distant relationship with someone else through apps. They are not going to develop their connections further than the Internet, but they do not want to do without them.

texting man

2.  The Place of an Online Affair in Real Relationships

Most people would consider it cheating, but not John Portmann, assistant professor at the University of Virginia and author of In Defense of Lust. He says virtual relationships can be helpful. He sees these new types of infidelity as a safety valve in traditional monogamous relationships. They can be compared to the birth control pill that prevents unwanted pregnancies. Only in this case, virtual betrayal insures against real infidelity or divorce.

In his essay Conversation Isn’t Cheating, Portmann argues that if we assume that extramarital affairs no longer exist in real life, and sex outside of someone’s relationship is just a high-tech flirtation that promotes healthy sexual release, then it is comparable to erotic literature. Why not give such infidelity a place in a monogamous relationship? It preserves sexual exclusivity for a real partner and requires a titanic power of imagination for a virtual one.

3.  Honesty is the Best Policy

While the Internet has blurred the line between loyalty and infidelity, old-fashioned prim honesty wins. If you really need someone besides a real person with whom you would like to flirt on the Internet, discuss this with your regular partner. If you stick to certain boundaries, you may get permission, and your better half may want to do the same. But above all, be honest.

4.  Software Flirt

Since 2016, several major tech companies have introduced bot platforms that are being touted as a new frontier in our interaction with services on the Internet. According to roboticist David Levy, we are at the beginning of a new sexual revolution, in which intelligent machines will bear us romantic company online. He believes that in a few years, there will be sexual bots that have complex intelligence, including encyclopedic knowledge and a whole range of emotions.

In any case, it is up to you to decide if virtual flirting is cheating or not.

The post Virtual Cheating: A New Form of Infidelity, Self-deception, or Relief? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1606749146) } [7]=> array(14) { ["title"]=> string(50) "How to Make Your Man Addicted to Going Down on You" ["link"]=> string(89) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/11/24/how-to-make-your-man-addicted-to-going-down-on-you/" ["comments"]=> string(97) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/11/24/how-to-make-your-man-addicted-to-going-down-on-you/#respond" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Tue, 24 Nov 2020 13:34:53 +0000" ["category"]=> string(19) "Relationship Advice" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=6452" ["description"]=> string(641) "

According to a recent survey by V For Vibes people become addicted to anything that consistently satisfies four or more of six basic human needs. In order to make anyone addicted to doing anything, you just need them to associate that behaviour with at least four things: feeling important, being excited, being certain and comfortable, and […]

The post How to Make Your Man Addicted to Going Down on You appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(3618) "

According to a recent survey by V For Vibes people become addicted to anything that consistently satisfies four or more of six basic human needs. In order to make anyone addicted to doing anything, you just need them to associate that behaviour with at least four things: feeling important, being excited, being certain and comfortable, and feeling love and connection. Surely these are easy things to make a person feel during sex! If you can make your man fulfil these needs consistently whenever he goes down on you, he’ll start to look forward to it more and more as a source of enjoyment and fulfilment.

Make Him Feel Significant

Do you make your man feel more important when he goes down on you? Do you praise him, and tell him that he’s the only one who has ever made you feel that way? Or are you afraid to praise him in case he gets “ahead of himself”?  Making him feel important during sex is probably the most important way to get him to enjoy it more, and to give more to you.

Give Him Excitement

How do you respond during his offering of sensual massage? Do you hold your breath until you orgasm, and hold back the sounds of pleasure you could be making? Do you lie the same way every time, or do you move your hips differently one day, and ask him to position himself differently the next? Get him to do it in different areas of the house, and be creative with the way you respond to him. He should never know how you’re going to react to anything he does –  the fun is in watching your reaction (it’s beautiful).

Allow Him to Feel Certain

Your man has to know that every time he goes down on you, he will get some sort of positive response. Even if it’s not always as great as you would like, you have to make him feel that he has a power there that works consistently. If he is unsure about what your response will be when he goes down, he’ll be less likely to look forward to it. Praise him each and every time, and be genuine about your enjoyment.

Make Him Feel Connected

Simple: “Baby, I love you so much when you do that.” Make him feel like by doing this he is getting closer to you. Everyone wants love, so be loving when you’re getting what you want.

Show Him That He is Improving

Let him know that not only is he great at what he does, but he’s getting better all the time. Men love missions, so if he feels like he’s progressing with every session, he’ll be aching to do it again and again.  Tell him that you’re worried that he’s getting too good – you’ll be surprised by how much more enthused he will become.

Let Him Know How Much It Contributes To Your Life

Tell him about how relaxed you felt all day because of your morning oral-sex session. Make him feel like you really appreciated it, because it added value to your day. Men love to be in a position of contributing and providing, so let him know that he contributes to your mood every time he goes down.

The post How to Make Your Man Addicted to Going Down on You appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["wfw"]=> array(1) { ["commentrss"]=> string(94) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/11/24/how-to-make-your-man-addicted-to-going-down-on-you/feed/" } ["slash"]=> array(1) { ["comments"]=> string(1) "0" } ["summary"]=> string(641) "

According to a recent survey by V For Vibes people become addicted to anything that consistently satisfies four or more of six basic human needs. In order to make anyone addicted to doing anything, you just need them to associate that behaviour with at least four things: feeling important, being excited, being certain and comfortable, and […]

The post How to Make Your Man Addicted to Going Down on You appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(3618) "

According to a recent survey by V For Vibes people become addicted to anything that consistently satisfies four or more of six basic human needs. In order to make anyone addicted to doing anything, you just need them to associate that behaviour with at least four things: feeling important, being excited, being certain and comfortable, and feeling love and connection. Surely these are easy things to make a person feel during sex! If you can make your man fulfil these needs consistently whenever he goes down on you, he’ll start to look forward to it more and more as a source of enjoyment and fulfilment.

Make Him Feel Significant

Do you make your man feel more important when he goes down on you? Do you praise him, and tell him that he’s the only one who has ever made you feel that way? Or are you afraid to praise him in case he gets “ahead of himself”?  Making him feel important during sex is probably the most important way to get him to enjoy it more, and to give more to you.

Give Him Excitement

How do you respond during his offering of sensual massage? Do you hold your breath until you orgasm, and hold back the sounds of pleasure you could be making? Do you lie the same way every time, or do you move your hips differently one day, and ask him to position himself differently the next? Get him to do it in different areas of the house, and be creative with the way you respond to him. He should never know how you’re going to react to anything he does –  the fun is in watching your reaction (it’s beautiful).

Allow Him to Feel Certain

Your man has to know that every time he goes down on you, he will get some sort of positive response. Even if it’s not always as great as you would like, you have to make him feel that he has a power there that works consistently. If he is unsure about what your response will be when he goes down, he’ll be less likely to look forward to it. Praise him each and every time, and be genuine about your enjoyment.

Make Him Feel Connected

Simple: “Baby, I love you so much when you do that.” Make him feel like by doing this he is getting closer to you. Everyone wants love, so be loving when you’re getting what you want.

Show Him That He is Improving

Let him know that not only is he great at what he does, but he’s getting better all the time. Men love missions, so if he feels like he’s progressing with every session, he’ll be aching to do it again and again.  Tell him that you’re worried that he’s getting too good – you’ll be surprised by how much more enthused he will become.

Let Him Know How Much It Contributes To Your Life

Tell him about how relaxed you felt all day because of your morning oral-sex session. Make him feel like you really appreciated it, because it added value to your day. Men love to be in a position of contributing and providing, so let him know that he contributes to your mood every time he goes down.

The post How to Make Your Man Addicted to Going Down on You appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1606224893) } [8]=> array(14) { ["title"]=> string(66) "How To Ask For Divorce | 7 Steps For Having “The Conversation”" ["link"]=> string(97) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/11/23/how-to-ask-for-divorce-7-steps-for-having-the-conversation/" ["comments"]=> string(105) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/11/23/how-to-ask-for-divorce-7-steps-for-having-the-conversation/#respond" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(7) "Diana D" } ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 23 Nov 2020 16:43:01 +0000" ["category"]=> string(68) "Divorce And Breakupsconversation about divorceDivorceEmpathykindness" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=6443" ["description"]=> string(664) "

Divorce is never easy. Having “the conversation” is even harder because you never know the way it’ll go. You might plan it all the way through only to be blindsided by unexpected circumstances. Still, working in divorce therapy, I found that there’re six important goals to keep in mind if you’re the one to initiate the divorce […]

The post How To Ask For Divorce | 7 Steps For Having “The Conversation” appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(6652) "

Divorce is never easy. Having “the conversation” is even harder because you never know the way it’ll go. You might plan it all the way through only to be blindsided by unexpected circumstances. Still, working in divorce therapy, I found that there’re six important goals to keep in mind if you’re the one to initiate the divorce talk.

1.Safety Is Your First Priority

Many professional women I work with feel ashamed to admit to the history of domestic violence and emotional abuse in the marriage. For some reason, there’s a stereotype that violence is reserved exclusively for “the poor.”

Please know, if your husband tends to get physical when angry, ask for a divorce in front of a divorce therapist or people. You have no power of his behaviour, but you have control over the environment in which you choose to have the divorce conversation.

2.To Blindside is The Worst Approach

The best way to make asking for divorce more painful is by breaking the news out the blue. You don’t want your divorce announcement to be the first time your partner learns that you’re unhappy and dissatisfied in your marriage.

The more your spouse is blindsided by divorce, the longer it will take him to digest it, accept it, and work with it. All of these cause resistance in allowing the divorce process to start.

3.Empathy and Kindness Are The Keys To Success

The pain and hurt you’ve been feeling that brought you to end your marriage can blind you and prevent you from feeling compassion and empathy for your spouse. Remember that you once loved this person.

It won’t be easy for your partner to hear the news, the same way it wasn’t easy for you to arrive at this decision. Have compassion for yourself, for your spouse, and the relationship you once had.

4.Always Take The Easiest Route

The best practice for “the conversation” is to have a focus on a positive and stress-free approach to divorce. This conversation is your first primary opportunity to set a tone for an amicable divorce.

Since you’re the one initiating the conversation be a role model to set up respect and honesty in this life transition. He might show you the same.

5.Fire The Gun When You Know What You Want

It’s wise to ask for the divorce only when you arrived at this decision with unshakable certainty. Don’t start a conversation with the hidden agenda for your spouse to show and prove you how much they love you and want you back.

Asking for the divorce is NOT a great manipulation tactic. Some men or women ask for the divorce only to find themselves making love and on the plane to Maldives, even though they know they want out of the relationship.

6.The War With Guilt

When you the person who’s asking for the divorce, it becomes impossible to numb yourself out from guilt and shame. Unfortunately, if you give too much voice to guilt, you’re risking to continue acting married out of guilt even when you hate staying married.

Give yourself a gift of acknowledging guilt because when you resist it, you give it more power.

7.There’s a Journey Before The End

Divorce is the second most painful life experience you can ever have. It’s only surpassed by the death of a spouse. Don’t expect yourself or your partner to get over the divorce in a week.

There’re a few stages before acceptance and finding yourself again after divorce. Your spouse might one day go through shock, the other through denial, then anger, post-divorce depression, and the silent treatment, and then trying to get you back before coming to accept that your relationship is over.

Now that you’ve read the best practices for having “the conversation,” let me know what fears are still lingering in your mind. What’s holding you back from asking for the divorce? Maybe you’re the one who was blindsided by this conversation. How do you wish it was different?

The overwhelm you’re feeling right now will subside.

The best advice is to seek the best advice. Don’t rely on your best friends to help you. Seek professional help. It’ll save you tears, time in pain, sleepless nights, and bottles of wine.

The post How To Ask For Divorce | 7 Steps For Having “The Conversation” appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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Divorce is never easy. Having “the conversation” is even harder because you never know the way it’ll go. You might plan it all the way through only to be blindsided by unexpected circumstances. Still, working in divorce therapy, I found that there’re six important goals to keep in mind if you’re the one to initiate the divorce […]

The post How To Ask For Divorce | 7 Steps For Having “The Conversation” appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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Divorce is never easy. Having “the conversation” is even harder because you never know the way it’ll go. You might plan it all the way through only to be blindsided by unexpected circumstances. Still, working in divorce therapy, I found that there’re six important goals to keep in mind if you’re the one to initiate the divorce talk.

1.Safety Is Your First Priority

Many professional women I work with feel ashamed to admit to the history of domestic violence and emotional abuse in the marriage. For some reason, there’s a stereotype that violence is reserved exclusively for “the poor.”

Please know, if your husband tends to get physical when angry, ask for a divorce in front of a divorce therapist or people. You have no power of his behaviour, but you have control over the environment in which you choose to have the divorce conversation.

2.To Blindside is The Worst Approach

The best way to make asking for divorce more painful is by breaking the news out the blue. You don’t want your divorce announcement to be the first time your partner learns that you’re unhappy and dissatisfied in your marriage.

The more your spouse is blindsided by divorce, the longer it will take him to digest it, accept it, and work with it. All of these cause resistance in allowing the divorce process to start.

3.Empathy and Kindness Are The Keys To Success

The pain and hurt you’ve been feeling that brought you to end your marriage can blind you and prevent you from feeling compassion and empathy for your spouse. Remember that you once loved this person.

It won’t be easy for your partner to hear the news, the same way it wasn’t easy for you to arrive at this decision. Have compassion for yourself, for your spouse, and the relationship you once had.

4.Always Take The Easiest Route

The best practice for “the conversation” is to have a focus on a positive and stress-free approach to divorce. This conversation is your first primary opportunity to set a tone for an amicable divorce.

Since you’re the one initiating the conversation be a role model to set up respect and honesty in this life transition. He might show you the same.

5.Fire The Gun When You Know What You Want

It’s wise to ask for the divorce only when you arrived at this decision with unshakable certainty. Don’t start a conversation with the hidden agenda for your spouse to show and prove you how much they love you and want you back.

Asking for the divorce is NOT a great manipulation tactic. Some men or women ask for the divorce only to find themselves making love and on the plane to Maldives, even though they know they want out of the relationship.

6.The War With Guilt

When you the person who’s asking for the divorce, it becomes impossible to numb yourself out from guilt and shame. Unfortunately, if you give too much voice to guilt, you’re risking to continue acting married out of guilt even when you hate staying married.

Give yourself a gift of acknowledging guilt because when you resist it, you give it more power.

7.There’s a Journey Before The End

Divorce is the second most painful life experience you can ever have. It’s only surpassed by the death of a spouse. Don’t expect yourself or your partner to get over the divorce in a week.

There’re a few stages before acceptance and finding yourself again after divorce. Your spouse might one day go through shock, the other through denial, then anger, post-divorce depression, and the silent treatment, and then trying to get you back before coming to accept that your relationship is over.

Now that you’ve read the best practices for having “the conversation,” let me know what fears are still lingering in your mind. What’s holding you back from asking for the divorce? Maybe you’re the one who was blindsided by this conversation. How do you wish it was different?

The overwhelm you’re feeling right now will subside.

The best advice is to seek the best advice. Don’t rely on your best friends to help you. Seek professional help. It’ll save you tears, time in pain, sleepless nights, and bottles of wine.

The post How To Ask For Divorce | 7 Steps For Having “The Conversation” appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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The job of our beautiful mind is to guide us, test us, and empower us. This I knew. What I didn’t know is that it’s here to teach me painful lessons when I’m too stubborn to learn them an easy way. Painful lessons are here to shove our nose into the litter box whenever we […]

The post When Life Hurts, Celebrate! This is WHY appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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The job of our beautiful mind is to guide us, test us, and empower us. This I knew. What I didn’t know is that it’s here to teach me painful lessons when I’m too stubborn to learn them an easy way.

Painful lessons are here to shove our nose into the litter box whenever we pooped somewhere we shouldn’t have like kittens. And this is something I had to learn the hard way. The same way we all did or will do.

During my work as a therapist, I was often asked the same question. I would have a woman sitting next to me and she would ask, “Karolina, why does breakup hurt so bad? Post-divorce depression is killing me. Why did it have to happen in such a painful way? Why didn’t this lesson come easy?” My answer was the same over and over again, “You wouldn’t learn it if it was easy.”

This is why life hurts right now

In fact, if you rewind your life and pay close attention to the little hiccups along the way, you’ll see that those bumps were indeed the less painful ways your life was telling you to wake the fuck up, do the self-love workleave that toxic relationship, ask for divorce because you were not staying for the sake of children but you were staying for your own sake, or slow the hell down and take a breather. But you chose to go on. You chose to indulge in delusions and false hopes “What it will be different this time?” Believe me, it won’t.

This is why it won’t work

How do I know? Because nothing will change unless you change something in the equation. Yet, you tend to shift things around the equation hoping it will create a strong enough ripple effect to miraculously change your situation. It’s like hoping that the sunshine will unpack the luggage that has been standing for weeks since you got back from the vacation.

What I also realized is that the purpose of our life is to uncover the concealed. It’s to ponder and appreciate what we don’t know. Yet we resist our purpose and then go to spiritual guides seeking an answer. What do I mean by this?

Surrendering is the answer

See, most of us hate uncertainty. We want to control everything and everyone. Control issues. Sometimes we don’t want to admit that we’re control freaks and instead, we say, “it’s not that I control things, it’s just I know EXACTLY what I want.”

But here is the trick. Knowing what you want comes from within. You trust your inner voice, intuition, and your guides. You need to build confidence for this. It doesn’t come from you not wanting your friend to be who she is or say what she wants. When you exercise your power over what other people do or don’t do you have already crossed this line of knowing and moved into controlling. As result, you’ll always find yourself in anger, sadness, loneliness, and hundred other emotions that negatively impact your lives.

Stop feeling like shit

So what do you do, you might ask? Recently I’ve been playing with the following exercise. At the end of each week or day, I take time to ask myself what emotions I experienced that week.

Then I decide what emotions I would like to have more of. I brainstorm reasons WHY these positive emotions are true in my life, so I can start feeling them right away. If I want to feel blessed, then I recall moments when my husband and I sit in the park enjoying ourselves, for example. This exercise has been a profound experience for me and my clients.

Once you’ve had a chance to read, I’d love to know: what the same mistake do you keep doing that gets to where you are right now? 

No matter what you’re facing right now, there is an adventurous journey ahead. You can use your heart, courage, and dedication to find a way or make a way. It all comes to how bad you want to make it happen.

The post When Life Hurts, Celebrate! This is WHY appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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The job of our beautiful mind is to guide us, test us, and empower us. This I knew. What I didn’t know is that it’s here to teach me painful lessons when I’m too stubborn to learn them an easy way. Painful lessons are here to shove our nose into the litter box whenever we […]

The post When Life Hurts, Celebrate! This is WHY appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(6281) "

The job of our beautiful mind is to guide us, test us, and empower us. This I knew. What I didn’t know is that it’s here to teach me painful lessons when I’m too stubborn to learn them an easy way.

Painful lessons are here to shove our nose into the litter box whenever we pooped somewhere we shouldn’t have like kittens. And this is something I had to learn the hard way. The same way we all did or will do.

During my work as a therapist, I was often asked the same question. I would have a woman sitting next to me and she would ask, “Karolina, why does breakup hurt so bad? Post-divorce depression is killing me. Why did it have to happen in such a painful way? Why didn’t this lesson come easy?” My answer was the same over and over again, “You wouldn’t learn it if it was easy.”

This is why life hurts right now

In fact, if you rewind your life and pay close attention to the little hiccups along the way, you’ll see that those bumps were indeed the less painful ways your life was telling you to wake the fuck up, do the self-love workleave that toxic relationship, ask for divorce because you were not staying for the sake of children but you were staying for your own sake, or slow the hell down and take a breather. But you chose to go on. You chose to indulge in delusions and false hopes “What it will be different this time?” Believe me, it won’t.

This is why it won’t work

How do I know? Because nothing will change unless you change something in the equation. Yet, you tend to shift things around the equation hoping it will create a strong enough ripple effect to miraculously change your situation. It’s like hoping that the sunshine will unpack the luggage that has been standing for weeks since you got back from the vacation.

What I also realized is that the purpose of our life is to uncover the concealed. It’s to ponder and appreciate what we don’t know. Yet we resist our purpose and then go to spiritual guides seeking an answer. What do I mean by this?

Surrendering is the answer

See, most of us hate uncertainty. We want to control everything and everyone. Control issues. Sometimes we don’t want to admit that we’re control freaks and instead, we say, “it’s not that I control things, it’s just I know EXACTLY what I want.”

But here is the trick. Knowing what you want comes from within. You trust your inner voice, intuition, and your guides. You need to build confidence for this. It doesn’t come from you not wanting your friend to be who she is or say what she wants. When you exercise your power over what other people do or don’t do you have already crossed this line of knowing and moved into controlling. As result, you’ll always find yourself in anger, sadness, loneliness, and hundred other emotions that negatively impact your lives.

Stop feeling like shit

So what do you do, you might ask? Recently I’ve been playing with the following exercise. At the end of each week or day, I take time to ask myself what emotions I experienced that week.

Then I decide what emotions I would like to have more of. I brainstorm reasons WHY these positive emotions are true in my life, so I can start feeling them right away. If I want to feel blessed, then I recall moments when my husband and I sit in the park enjoying ourselves, for example. This exercise has been a profound experience for me and my clients.

Once you’ve had a chance to read, I’d love to know: what the same mistake do you keep doing that gets to where you are right now? 

No matter what you’re facing right now, there is an adventurous journey ahead. You can use your heart, courage, and dedication to find a way or make a way. It all comes to how bad you want to make it happen.

The post When Life Hurts, Celebrate! This is WHY appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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