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OK: Support for character munging.

Deprecated: Function split() is deprecated in /var/www/spekulant.dk/public_html/news/rss_parse.inc on line 153

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Channel: Loveawake.com blog

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Two out of every three marriages fail. And when there are kids involved, it’s not just the couple that suffers. Children of divorce experience their own anger, insecurities and resentments about the failure of their parents’ marriage. If the divorced couple does not learn how to co-parent after the divorce, it can do serious damage to […]

The post Ways to Co-Parent After Divorce appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(6351) "

Two out of every three marriages fail. And when there are kids involved, it’s not just the couple that suffers.

Children of divorce experience their own anger, insecurities and resentments about the failure of their parents’ marriage. If the divorced couple does not learn how to co-parent after the divorce, it can do serious damage to the kids.

“It’s very easy to get pregnant. It’s very hard to raise a healthy child,” said Susan Davis-Swanson, LCSW, executive director of The StepFamily Center in Beverly Hills, Calif. “It often takes being very mindful and assessing how you parent along the way.”

If you have gone through a divorce, there’s a good chance you don’t want to ever have to deal with your ex-spouse again. But, for the sake of the kids, you’ll have to – likely for the rest of your life.

If your divorce occurred when your kids are still living at home, it is important to find a way to interact with your ex-spouse so that you can effectively parent together. Here are some ways to do that:

Refrain from badmouthing your ex.

You may be angry at your ex-spouse for forgetting to pick up the kids from school or not remembering a birthday. And while you can go ahead and vent to your current spouse or talk about it with your ex, don’t ever badmouth your ex-spouse in front of your kids.

“You can try to make the other parent bad, but what you’re doing to your child is catastrophic,” Davis-Swanson said.

Your kids don’t need to know how you feel about your ex. That person is still their parent, and they will need to figure out who their parent is on their own. Hearing you say negative things may make them feel more defensive and protective of their other parent and put them in an uncomfortable position.

Don’t make your child feel guilty.

One of the worst things you can do is make your kids feel bad for wanting to spend time with their other parent. It’s natural for kids to want to spend time with either of their parents, or to go through periods of favoring one over another.

Instead of making your kids feel guilty and creating a loyalty bind over who they should be spending time with, encourage them to spend time with their other parent. Let them know that you’ll miss them while they’re gone, and that you appreciate the time you have with them when you’re together.

Cooperate with your ex.

No matter how you feel about each other, you and your ex-spouse need to be civil. Whether that means discussing things via email so the conversation doesn’t get heated or backing down sometimes to keep things more structured for your kids, do what needs to be done to cooperate with your ex-spouse to make the transition easier on your children.

“It’s an opportunity to find your higher self and be better for your children,” Davis-Swanson said.

That doesn’t mean you all have to go out for dinner or celebrate all of your child’s achievements together. What it does mean is finding a way to come to resolutions about issues that involve your children without making a scene or getting angry. Though this may have been what drove you to divorce your spouse in the first place, remember that you no longer have to deal with them on a regular basis, so be as cooperative as possible the times you do.

Cooperation with your ex requires both of you to be willing to make things easier, both on your children and yourselves. As you go through your divorce and even after, keep parenting your children as a top priority.

Talk about your kids.

The common denominator keeping you linked to your ex-spouse is your kids. That means it’s important to keep a dialogue going about your kids so that you are on the same page as far as school and discipline and that you both know what your kids are up to.

Make it a point to chat for a few minutes each time your children get picked up from each others’ homes. It doesn’t have to be a lengthy conversation, but touch base on anything you’ve noticed about your children’s behavior or attitude. Or, if necessary, schedule a weekly phone call just to talk about your kids so that neither of you feels out of touch when it comes to parenting your children.

Don’t let your kids manipulate the situation.

Unless you and your ex-spouse are on the same page, there’s a chance your kids will try to manipulate both of you to get what they want. That’s especially true if the two of you aren’t communicating and agreeing on how to parent your child.

Decide what to do if your children try to get something out of you that they know they can’t get from their other parent, or if they play on your guilt over the divorce by turning a situation in their favor. Remember that you are the adults, and you are in charge.

Accept new relationships.

One of the hardest things about divorce is remarriage, and letting other adults become “parents” to your children. But there’s a very good chance your ex is going to remarry, and you’re going to have to learn to accept that person into your children’s life.

That doesn’t mean you have to become friends with your ex’s new spouse, but it does mean respecting who that person is in your child’s life. Encourage your child to like and respect that person as well.

Parenting is never an easy task and divorce makes it even more difficult. Finding a way to communicate with your ex-spouse and work together to co-parent even after the divorce is finalized will be the best way to ensure that your children grow up feeling loved and supported by both parents.

The post Ways to Co-Parent After Divorce appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(611) "

Two out of every three marriages fail. And when there are kids involved, it’s not just the couple that suffers. Children of divorce experience their own anger, insecurities and resentments about the failure of their parents’ marriage. If the divorced couple does not learn how to co-parent after the divorce, it can do serious damage to […]

The post Ways to Co-Parent After Divorce appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(6351) "

Two out of every three marriages fail. And when there are kids involved, it’s not just the couple that suffers.

Children of divorce experience their own anger, insecurities and resentments about the failure of their parents’ marriage. If the divorced couple does not learn how to co-parent after the divorce, it can do serious damage to the kids.

“It’s very easy to get pregnant. It’s very hard to raise a healthy child,” said Susan Davis-Swanson, LCSW, executive director of The StepFamily Center in Beverly Hills, Calif. “It often takes being very mindful and assessing how you parent along the way.”

If you have gone through a divorce, there’s a good chance you don’t want to ever have to deal with your ex-spouse again. But, for the sake of the kids, you’ll have to – likely for the rest of your life.

If your divorce occurred when your kids are still living at home, it is important to find a way to interact with your ex-spouse so that you can effectively parent together. Here are some ways to do that:

Refrain from badmouthing your ex.

You may be angry at your ex-spouse for forgetting to pick up the kids from school or not remembering a birthday. And while you can go ahead and vent to your current spouse or talk about it with your ex, don’t ever badmouth your ex-spouse in front of your kids.

“You can try to make the other parent bad, but what you’re doing to your child is catastrophic,” Davis-Swanson said.

Your kids don’t need to know how you feel about your ex. That person is still their parent, and they will need to figure out who their parent is on their own. Hearing you say negative things may make them feel more defensive and protective of their other parent and put them in an uncomfortable position.

Don’t make your child feel guilty.

One of the worst things you can do is make your kids feel bad for wanting to spend time with their other parent. It’s natural for kids to want to spend time with either of their parents, or to go through periods of favoring one over another.

Instead of making your kids feel guilty and creating a loyalty bind over who they should be spending time with, encourage them to spend time with their other parent. Let them know that you’ll miss them while they’re gone, and that you appreciate the time you have with them when you’re together.

Cooperate with your ex.

No matter how you feel about each other, you and your ex-spouse need to be civil. Whether that means discussing things via email so the conversation doesn’t get heated or backing down sometimes to keep things more structured for your kids, do what needs to be done to cooperate with your ex-spouse to make the transition easier on your children.

“It’s an opportunity to find your higher self and be better for your children,” Davis-Swanson said.

That doesn’t mean you all have to go out for dinner or celebrate all of your child’s achievements together. What it does mean is finding a way to come to resolutions about issues that involve your children without making a scene or getting angry. Though this may have been what drove you to divorce your spouse in the first place, remember that you no longer have to deal with them on a regular basis, so be as cooperative as possible the times you do.

Cooperation with your ex requires both of you to be willing to make things easier, both on your children and yourselves. As you go through your divorce and even after, keep parenting your children as a top priority.

Talk about your kids.

The common denominator keeping you linked to your ex-spouse is your kids. That means it’s important to keep a dialogue going about your kids so that you are on the same page as far as school and discipline and that you both know what your kids are up to.

Make it a point to chat for a few minutes each time your children get picked up from each others’ homes. It doesn’t have to be a lengthy conversation, but touch base on anything you’ve noticed about your children’s behavior or attitude. Or, if necessary, schedule a weekly phone call just to talk about your kids so that neither of you feels out of touch when it comes to parenting your children.

Don’t let your kids manipulate the situation.

Unless you and your ex-spouse are on the same page, there’s a chance your kids will try to manipulate both of you to get what they want. That’s especially true if the two of you aren’t communicating and agreeing on how to parent your child.

Decide what to do if your children try to get something out of you that they know they can’t get from their other parent, or if they play on your guilt over the divorce by turning a situation in their favor. Remember that you are the adults, and you are in charge.

Accept new relationships.

One of the hardest things about divorce is remarriage, and letting other adults become “parents” to your children. But there’s a very good chance your ex is going to remarry, and you’re going to have to learn to accept that person into your children’s life.

That doesn’t mean you have to become friends with your ex’s new spouse, but it does mean respecting who that person is in your child’s life. Encourage your child to like and respect that person as well.

Parenting is never an easy task and divorce makes it even more difficult. Finding a way to communicate with your ex-spouse and work together to co-parent even after the divorce is finalized will be the best way to ensure that your children grow up feeling loved and supported by both parents.

The post Ways to Co-Parent After Divorce appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1582569465) } [1]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(45) "Can Sexting Really Land Your Child in Prison?" ["link"]=> string(83) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/02/24/can-sexting-really-land-your-child-in-prison/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 24 Feb 2020 18:25:56 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["category"]=> string(48) "Parentingadvice for parentschildparentingsexting" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=4320" ["description"]=> string(631) "

Can a teenage girl who sends a sexy picture of herself to her boyfriend face prosecution for child pornography? Incredibly, the answer is yes. “Sexting” is a new phenomenon that describes the process by which people send nude, semi-nude, or otherwise risqué pictures or videos of themselves or others via cell phone. The person receiving […]

The post Can Sexting Really Land Your Child in Prison? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(6153) "

Can a teenage girl who sends a sexy picture of herself to her boyfriend face prosecution for child pornography? Incredibly, the answer is yes.

“Sexting” is a new phenomenon that describes the process by which people send nude, semi-nude, or otherwise risqué pictures or videos of themselves or others via cell phone. The person receiving the picture or video can easily download it onto the Internet, where millions of people can view it.

If the person in the picture is under 18 years old, then taking, sending, or possessing the photo is in violation of child pornography laws. As it stands today, if a person under the age of 18 takes a nude photo of herself and distributes it to others, she is in violation of these laws.

The penalties for these crimes are stiff: you can get life in prison, and even if you are paroled, you have to register as a sex offender. Such registration means your name and picture will be on the Internet and other media, making it hard for you to get a job. Many sex offenders have had to move multiple times because their neighbors harass them.

Most authorities are calling for some semblance of common sense in the matter of sexting. Child pornography laws obviously were not intended for teenagers.

“They’re young kids,” Florida detective Neil Spector said in an article edition of The Treasure Coast Palm. “The best thing we have been doing is talking to the parents. Just like the Internet, parents are oblivious to this activity because it is so new.”

The Prevalence of the Problem

Partly because they are just “young kids” and lack mature judgment, sexting is becoming a more common practice among teens.

A survey of 1,280 young people that was conducted this year by the National Campaign to Prevent Teenage and Unplanned Pregnancy and CosmoGirl magazine found that one in five teenagers has “sexted,” as well as one in three young adults, ages 10 to 26 years old. Girls sexted as often as boys, and the most common reason was to be “fun and flirtatious.”

Even though many teenagers believe sexting is harmless, authorities in certain counties are indeed prosecuting them as child pornographers. These officials take the matter seriously, pointing to cases like that of Jessica Logan, a 16-year-old Ohio girl. Jessica sent a nude picture of herself to her boyfriend, who then transmitted all over their high school. She subsequently hanged herself.

Enforcing the Laws

Right now several teenagers are facing legal charges for sexting, including one 14-year-old New Jersey girls who published 30 nude pictures of herself on the social networking site.
According to an article, edition of the Akron Beacon Journal, the Center for Missing and Exploited Children saw these photos and contacted their New Jersey Task Force, which in turn contacted the Passiac County Sheriff. The girl now faces 17 years in prison if convicted.

Other cases include the following:

•    One Florida teen who engaged in “sexting” has to register as a sex offender until he is 43 years old.
•    A New York boy who broadcast sexy pictures from a party to over 300 classmates is also facing charges.
•    Similar cases are scheduled to be adjudicated in Pennsylvania and Vermont.
•    The one case every prosecutor is watching involves two Florida teenagers who took pictures of themselves having sexual contact and kept them on a computer. This case went all the way to the Florida Court of Appeals, which ruled that the pictures could become child pornography.

What all this means is that teens can get into serious trouble for sexting, although many unanswered questions remain, such as the following:

•    Is it fair to confiscate cell phones from students in classrooms, and then comb through them for evidence?
•    Why are jurisdictions applying laws to minor children that were meant to protect them, not imprison them?
•    Are these children protected under Freedom of Speech laws?

Advice for Parents & Teens

The best advice for parents is to talk to their children about what can happen if they engage in sexting. Some “talking points” might be the ones recommended by the National Campaign to Prevent Teenaged and Unplanned Pregnancy:

•    Nothing digital is private anymore.
•    Nothing you post on the Internet ever really goes away.
•    Nothing you post on the Internet is ever really anonymous.
•    Don’t engage in sexting because of peer pressure.

Some surveys found that girls felt pressure from their boyfriends to participate in sexting, even when they did not want to. The pressure also worked the other way: many boys receive sexy pictures as a way for girls to get dates from them.

Talk to your child about using judgment in these matters, especially since the laws are unclear, and the potential consequences could be life-changing.

The post Can Sexting Really Land Your Child in Prison? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(631) "

Can a teenage girl who sends a sexy picture of herself to her boyfriend face prosecution for child pornography? Incredibly, the answer is yes. “Sexting” is a new phenomenon that describes the process by which people send nude, semi-nude, or otherwise risqué pictures or videos of themselves or others via cell phone. The person receiving […]

The post Can Sexting Really Land Your Child in Prison? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(6153) "

Can a teenage girl who sends a sexy picture of herself to her boyfriend face prosecution for child pornography? Incredibly, the answer is yes.

“Sexting” is a new phenomenon that describes the process by which people send nude, semi-nude, or otherwise risqué pictures or videos of themselves or others via cell phone. The person receiving the picture or video can easily download it onto the Internet, where millions of people can view it.

If the person in the picture is under 18 years old, then taking, sending, or possessing the photo is in violation of child pornography laws. As it stands today, if a person under the age of 18 takes a nude photo of herself and distributes it to others, she is in violation of these laws.

The penalties for these crimes are stiff: you can get life in prison, and even if you are paroled, you have to register as a sex offender. Such registration means your name and picture will be on the Internet and other media, making it hard for you to get a job. Many sex offenders have had to move multiple times because their neighbors harass them.

Most authorities are calling for some semblance of common sense in the matter of sexting. Child pornography laws obviously were not intended for teenagers.

“They’re young kids,” Florida detective Neil Spector said in an article edition of The Treasure Coast Palm. “The best thing we have been doing is talking to the parents. Just like the Internet, parents are oblivious to this activity because it is so new.”

The Prevalence of the Problem

Partly because they are just “young kids” and lack mature judgment, sexting is becoming a more common practice among teens.

A survey of 1,280 young people that was conducted this year by the National Campaign to Prevent Teenage and Unplanned Pregnancy and CosmoGirl magazine found that one in five teenagers has “sexted,” as well as one in three young adults, ages 10 to 26 years old. Girls sexted as often as boys, and the most common reason was to be “fun and flirtatious.”

Even though many teenagers believe sexting is harmless, authorities in certain counties are indeed prosecuting them as child pornographers. These officials take the matter seriously, pointing to cases like that of Jessica Logan, a 16-year-old Ohio girl. Jessica sent a nude picture of herself to her boyfriend, who then transmitted all over their high school. She subsequently hanged herself.

Enforcing the Laws

Right now several teenagers are facing legal charges for sexting, including one 14-year-old New Jersey girls who published 30 nude pictures of herself on the social networking site.
According to an article, edition of the Akron Beacon Journal, the Center for Missing and Exploited Children saw these photos and contacted their New Jersey Task Force, which in turn contacted the Passiac County Sheriff. The girl now faces 17 years in prison if convicted.

Other cases include the following:

•    One Florida teen who engaged in “sexting” has to register as a sex offender until he is 43 years old.
•    A New York boy who broadcast sexy pictures from a party to over 300 classmates is also facing charges.
•    Similar cases are scheduled to be adjudicated in Pennsylvania and Vermont.
•    The one case every prosecutor is watching involves two Florida teenagers who took pictures of themselves having sexual contact and kept them on a computer. This case went all the way to the Florida Court of Appeals, which ruled that the pictures could become child pornography.

What all this means is that teens can get into serious trouble for sexting, although many unanswered questions remain, such as the following:

•    Is it fair to confiscate cell phones from students in classrooms, and then comb through them for evidence?
•    Why are jurisdictions applying laws to minor children that were meant to protect them, not imprison them?
•    Are these children protected under Freedom of Speech laws?

Advice for Parents & Teens

The best advice for parents is to talk to their children about what can happen if they engage in sexting. Some “talking points” might be the ones recommended by the National Campaign to Prevent Teenaged and Unplanned Pregnancy:

•    Nothing digital is private anymore.
•    Nothing you post on the Internet ever really goes away.
•    Nothing you post on the Internet is ever really anonymous.
•    Don’t engage in sexting because of peer pressure.

Some surveys found that girls felt pressure from their boyfriends to participate in sexting, even when they did not want to. The pressure also worked the other way: many boys receive sexy pictures as a way for girls to get dates from them.

Talk to your child about using judgment in these matters, especially since the laws are unclear, and the potential consequences could be life-changing.

The post Can Sexting Really Land Your Child in Prison? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1582568756) } [2]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(49) "Dating Violence is a Serious Threat to Teen Girls" ["link"]=> string(88) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/02/24/dating-violence-is-a-serious-threat-to-teen-girls/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 24 Feb 2020 17:54:27 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["category"]=> string(43) "ParentingdatingDating ViolenceTeensviolence" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=4317" ["description"]=> string(643) "

The numbers of teen girls who are (or will be) involved in an abusive relationship are nothing short of staggering. The Bureau of Justice Special Report: Intimate Partner Violence conducted a study of girls ages 13-24; following is some of what the study revealed: Approximate 1/3rd of high school students have been or will be involved in an […]

The post Dating Violence is a Serious Threat to Teen Girls appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(5066) "

The numbers of teen girls who are (or will be) involved in an abusive relationship are nothing short of staggering. The Bureau of Justice Special Report: Intimate Partner Violence conducted a study of girls ages 13-24; following is some of what the study revealed:

There are a number of factors which contribute to abusive relationships among adolescents and teens; the largest contributor being how teens view themselves and others.

Some young men may believe:

Some young women may believe:

Even the most vigilant of parents may not know their child is in an abusive relationship. By the time some parents are made aware of the abuse many of their children have been suffering for years.   The following is a list of warning signs that may indicate your teen may be in an abusive relationship:
 Parents can help their teens to avoid abusive relationships by talking to them about their relationship rights. If you start to talk about setting boundaries at an early age (some experts believe age 10 is not too early to begin the dialogue) and continue to reinforce this message over time, you may be able to prevent your adolescent or teen from experiencing many forms of abuse.

Help your teens (boys and girls) to understand they have the right to:

If you are involved in an abusive relationship you must remember that no one deserves to be abused or threatened in anyway. You must also remember that no one can change the abuser; but the abuser him/herself. No amount of understanding, kindness or forgiveness will change the abuser’s behavior.

Help is available

If you are being abused or even suspect that you are, find a trusted adult and talk to them about it. Your other options include finding an agency or shelter that works with abuse victims. There is no need to feel alone or helpless, many people are willing to help you put an end to the abuse you are suffering.

The post Dating Violence is a Serious Threat to Teen Girls appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(643) "

The numbers of teen girls who are (or will be) involved in an abusive relationship are nothing short of staggering. The Bureau of Justice Special Report: Intimate Partner Violence conducted a study of girls ages 13-24; following is some of what the study revealed: Approximate 1/3rd of high school students have been or will be involved in an […]

The post Dating Violence is a Serious Threat to Teen Girls appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(5066) "

The numbers of teen girls who are (or will be) involved in an abusive relationship are nothing short of staggering. The Bureau of Justice Special Report: Intimate Partner Violence conducted a study of girls ages 13-24; following is some of what the study revealed:

There are a number of factors which contribute to abusive relationships among adolescents and teens; the largest contributor being how teens view themselves and others.

Some young men may believe:

Some young women may believe:

Even the most vigilant of parents may not know their child is in an abusive relationship. By the time some parents are made aware of the abuse many of their children have been suffering for years.   The following is a list of warning signs that may indicate your teen may be in an abusive relationship:
 Parents can help their teens to avoid abusive relationships by talking to them about their relationship rights. If you start to talk about setting boundaries at an early age (some experts believe age 10 is not too early to begin the dialogue) and continue to reinforce this message over time, you may be able to prevent your adolescent or teen from experiencing many forms of abuse.

Help your teens (boys and girls) to understand they have the right to:

If you are involved in an abusive relationship you must remember that no one deserves to be abused or threatened in anyway. You must also remember that no one can change the abuser; but the abuser him/herself. No amount of understanding, kindness or forgiveness will change the abuser’s behavior.

Help is available

If you are being abused or even suspect that you are, find a trusted adult and talk to them about it. Your other options include finding an agency or shelter that works with abuse victims. There is no need to feel alone or helpless, many people are willing to help you put an end to the abuse you are suffering.

The post Dating Violence is a Serious Threat to Teen Girls appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1582566867) } [3]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(35) "Reframe Failure, Save Your Marriage" ["link"]=> string(73) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/02/20/reframe-failure-save-your-marriage/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Thu, 20 Feb 2020 16:30:31 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["category"]=> string(283) "Divorceaffair victimcheatingCheating SpousefailureInfidelitymarriage crisismarriage dreammarriage failurememoriesneglected needsnewlywedRelationshipSave Your Marriageself-confidencespousespouse’s affairspouse’s cheatingSurviving an Affairthoughtsvictimvictim of infidelitywedding" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=4308" ["description"]=> string(587) "

So your spouse cheated on you, and now your marriage is neck-deep in crisis mode. You may feel like a failure: your marriage may very well be over, and everything you put into it was for nothing. This experience has left you looking at the world through a very dark lens. Are you an unworthy, broken person – and […]

The post Reframe Failure, Save Your Marriage appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(6006) "

So your spouse cheated on you, and now your marriage is neck-deep in crisis mode. You may feel like a failure: your marriage may very well be over, and everything you put into it was for nothing.

This experience has left you looking at the world through a very dark lens.

Are you an unworthy, broken person – and this is why you are in this predicament today, a victim of infidelity? Read on for the answer to this question.

Cheating: The End of a Dream?

Think back to your wedding day. You no doubt had high hopes that every day in the future would be as picture perfect as that day was. You were full of positive dreams for the future.

At some point, a transition took place from that dream-like, newlywed state to the one where you get involved in the business of life: working, cleaning, family and childcare obligations and staying on top of the ever-present “to do” list.

And then you found out your spouse cheated.

Upon finding out about your spouse’s affair, you may have had thoughts such as:

“I cooked and cleaned and took care of the kids. I must not have done it well.”

“I poured my entire identity into this relationship, and now I’m just a shadow.”

“Apparently, I’m just not worthy of devotion from my spouse, if he/she could do this.”

Suddenly, everything is cast into a negative light: your sense of self-worth, your lifestyle, who you are as an individual. In addition, because this one horrible decision has been made by your spouse, it may seem as if this failure is a catastrophe is something from which you can never recover.

Unfortunately when an affair broadsides the victim, negative thinking seems to become the rule of the day. It’s hard to think positive thoughts when you first discover your spouse has been unfaithful, or to feel good about anything – including yourself.

No doubt about it, your self-confidence has taken a hit. You question everything:  your marriage, yourself, and every choice you’ve made since that fateful day when you first met your husband or wife. You sift through every mistake you’ve made, and sum it all up as one big mess that there’s no turning back from.

You may even doubt you’re worthy of happiness and a good marriage. A divorce could be in your thoughts, and you’re ready to toss in the towel. It’s over, right?

Not so fast.

Three Steps to Regain Your Marriage-Saving Power

This is a lot to take on yourself – a huge burden from which I want to offer you some steps to find relief.

Step 1: Reframe the “failure” of marital infidelity

Your spouse made a rotten decision. While it may seem as if it’s a catastrophe, that’s only your mind defining it as such. If you want to rebuild your marriage, then reframe the affair not as a catastrophe, but as your marriage “wake up” call.

You’ve heard the saying, “when handed lemons, make lemonade.” Yes, your spouse sure handed you some bitter lemons. The lemonade to make from them is the opportunity to review your life and your marriage, and see if there are changes that could be made in how you’ve been conducting your life.

Too much time spent at work? Too much attention to the kids – to the exclusion of your relationship with your spouse? (I know this is a challenging one – obviously, children are an integral part of your life when you have them, but there is still the relationship between you and your spouse that needs attention.) Have you neglected to communicate your needs to your spouse?

Step 2: Understand that infidelity places you in a temporary mindset

Notice I say “temporary.” It’s important to remind yourself that what you are going through at the moment does not need to color your entire future. Your mantra may need to be: “this too shall pass.”

Don’t accept that this negative period of your life actually defines who you are as a person, what your marriage is, and what you deserve. Remind yourself that you make those definitions, and right now – the affair has dust cast an ugly cloud over everything. The cloud will pass.

Step 3: Work on your self-confidence

Negativity undermines our self-confidence: we don’t feel confident to get along in the world. You may begin to think of yourself as unworthy and broken, but when you hear those thoughts come into your head – immediately counter them with their opposite: I am worthy, I am a whole person.

Our minds are powerful. Please remind yourself frequently that it’s YOU who has the power over what goes through there in the form of thoughts, images and memory interpretations.

My very best to you as you reframe failure and save your marriage.

The post Reframe Failure, Save Your Marriage appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(587) "

So your spouse cheated on you, and now your marriage is neck-deep in crisis mode. You may feel like a failure: your marriage may very well be over, and everything you put into it was for nothing. This experience has left you looking at the world through a very dark lens. Are you an unworthy, broken person – and […]

The post Reframe Failure, Save Your Marriage appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(6006) "

So your spouse cheated on you, and now your marriage is neck-deep in crisis mode. You may feel like a failure: your marriage may very well be over, and everything you put into it was for nothing.

This experience has left you looking at the world through a very dark lens.

Are you an unworthy, broken person – and this is why you are in this predicament today, a victim of infidelity? Read on for the answer to this question.

Cheating: The End of a Dream?

Think back to your wedding day. You no doubt had high hopes that every day in the future would be as picture perfect as that day was. You were full of positive dreams for the future.

At some point, a transition took place from that dream-like, newlywed state to the one where you get involved in the business of life: working, cleaning, family and childcare obligations and staying on top of the ever-present “to do” list.

And then you found out your spouse cheated.

Upon finding out about your spouse’s affair, you may have had thoughts such as:

“I cooked and cleaned and took care of the kids. I must not have done it well.”

“I poured my entire identity into this relationship, and now I’m just a shadow.”

“Apparently, I’m just not worthy of devotion from my spouse, if he/she could do this.”

Suddenly, everything is cast into a negative light: your sense of self-worth, your lifestyle, who you are as an individual. In addition, because this one horrible decision has been made by your spouse, it may seem as if this failure is a catastrophe is something from which you can never recover.

Unfortunately when an affair broadsides the victim, negative thinking seems to become the rule of the day. It’s hard to think positive thoughts when you first discover your spouse has been unfaithful, or to feel good about anything – including yourself.

No doubt about it, your self-confidence has taken a hit. You question everything:  your marriage, yourself, and every choice you’ve made since that fateful day when you first met your husband or wife. You sift through every mistake you’ve made, and sum it all up as one big mess that there’s no turning back from.

You may even doubt you’re worthy of happiness and a good marriage. A divorce could be in your thoughts, and you’re ready to toss in the towel. It’s over, right?

Not so fast.

Three Steps to Regain Your Marriage-Saving Power

This is a lot to take on yourself – a huge burden from which I want to offer you some steps to find relief.

Step 1: Reframe the “failure” of marital infidelity

Your spouse made a rotten decision. While it may seem as if it’s a catastrophe, that’s only your mind defining it as such. If you want to rebuild your marriage, then reframe the affair not as a catastrophe, but as your marriage “wake up” call.

You’ve heard the saying, “when handed lemons, make lemonade.” Yes, your spouse sure handed you some bitter lemons. The lemonade to make from them is the opportunity to review your life and your marriage, and see if there are changes that could be made in how you’ve been conducting your life.

Too much time spent at work? Too much attention to the kids – to the exclusion of your relationship with your spouse? (I know this is a challenging one – obviously, children are an integral part of your life when you have them, but there is still the relationship between you and your spouse that needs attention.) Have you neglected to communicate your needs to your spouse?

Step 2: Understand that infidelity places you in a temporary mindset

Notice I say “temporary.” It’s important to remind yourself that what you are going through at the moment does not need to color your entire future. Your mantra may need to be: “this too shall pass.”

Don’t accept that this negative period of your life actually defines who you are as a person, what your marriage is, and what you deserve. Remind yourself that you make those definitions, and right now – the affair has dust cast an ugly cloud over everything. The cloud will pass.

Step 3: Work on your self-confidence

Negativity undermines our self-confidence: we don’t feel confident to get along in the world. You may begin to think of yourself as unworthy and broken, but when you hear those thoughts come into your head – immediately counter them with their opposite: I am worthy, I am a whole person.

Our minds are powerful. Please remind yourself frequently that it’s YOU who has the power over what goes through there in the form of thoughts, images and memory interpretations.

My very best to you as you reframe failure and save your marriage.

The post Reframe Failure, Save Your Marriage appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1582216231) } [4]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(26) "Are You a Fun “Assassin?" ["link"]=> string(61) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/02/20/are-you-a-fun-assassin/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Thu, 20 Feb 2020 15:57:32 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["category"]=> string(139) "Relationship AdviceCheating SpousecommunicationEliminate the Angeremotionsfall in loveRebuild the TrustRebuilding RomanceSave Your Marriage" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=4305" ["description"]=> string(527) "

Are you a guarded person? If you are, it’s going to be tough going to have true intimacy with your partner. And what goes hand in hand with a feeling that you always have to be on guard is… fun tends to take a backburner. Why? Because you can’t relax enough to have fun. It […]

The post Are You a Fun “Assassin? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(3863) "

Are you a guarded person?

If you are, it’s going to be tough going to have true intimacy with your partner.

And what goes hand in hand with a feeling that you always have to be on guard is… fun tends to take a backburner.

Why?

Because you can’t relax enough to have fun. It can turn you into a fun “assassin.” A killjoy.

In this blog, I want to show you how to let go, relax, and become less guarded so you can rebuild intimacy. Read on…

Being On Guard Has Negative Consequences for your Relationship

Do you ever feel as if you need to stay in self-protective mode to prevent being hurt?

This is a common underlying thought that people who are on guard tend to have. If you find yourself driven by the desire to protect yourself from hurt, no doubt you have been hurt before. You may have vowed to yourself, “never again.”

What happens, though, is that your worldview can change. Subconsciously, you are on the lookout for perceived attacks—and may read them where there are none.

For example, your partner makes a comment to you that you perceive as a negative attack. You counter-attack and next thing, you’re in a big blow-up. But what if they were simply making an observation, and not deliberately trying to hurt you?

For a person on guard, they don’t hit the pause button and take the time to analyze the situation—they shoot first and ask questions later.

So what’s the effect on a partner?

They can become fearful of saying the wrong thing, and they will begin to walk on eggshells. It can lead to distancing, and that means your feelings of intimacy with your partner are going to stagnate—if not suffocate.

And more than likely, it means you and your partner aren’t having any fun, because everything has been covered in a veil of suspicion.

No intimacy… no fun… what should you do?

These next two tips should help you out…

2 Tips for Letting that Guard Down

You know yourself pretty well, right? And you know if you feel a bit guarded, fearful that your partner may hurt you.

If you feel you’ve gotten into the habit of being on guard, it’s time to undo the habit. The easiest way to do that is with these 2 tips:

Tip #1: Let Your Hair Down

It’s not so easy to tell someone, “Let your guard down” and then it just happens. There’s fear beneath the behavior. A person who holds fear often feels powerless.

An easier way to work into letting your guard down is to try something new with your partner, something that you’ll both enjoy. Keep an open mind that when you’re having fun, you should be pretty safe.

Tip #2: Plan a Positive Surprise

Think of something your partner loves to do and do it. Maybe take a day to explore something new or do an event that your partner will really enjoy. Do it even if it’s not something you’d normally be interested in.

You may be surprised yourself, when you find yourself thrilled when you see your partner’s response, and knowing that you are empowered to make positive changes in your outlook and in your relationship. My best to you in building intimacy through fun as you let down your guard.

The post Are You a Fun “Assassin? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(527) "

Are you a guarded person? If you are, it’s going to be tough going to have true intimacy with your partner. And what goes hand in hand with a feeling that you always have to be on guard is… fun tends to take a backburner. Why? Because you can’t relax enough to have fun. It […]

The post Are You a Fun “Assassin? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(3863) "

Are you a guarded person?

If you are, it’s going to be tough going to have true intimacy with your partner.

And what goes hand in hand with a feeling that you always have to be on guard is… fun tends to take a backburner.

Why?

Because you can’t relax enough to have fun. It can turn you into a fun “assassin.” A killjoy.

In this blog, I want to show you how to let go, relax, and become less guarded so you can rebuild intimacy. Read on…

Being On Guard Has Negative Consequences for your Relationship

Do you ever feel as if you need to stay in self-protective mode to prevent being hurt?

This is a common underlying thought that people who are on guard tend to have. If you find yourself driven by the desire to protect yourself from hurt, no doubt you have been hurt before. You may have vowed to yourself, “never again.”

What happens, though, is that your worldview can change. Subconsciously, you are on the lookout for perceived attacks—and may read them where there are none.

For example, your partner makes a comment to you that you perceive as a negative attack. You counter-attack and next thing, you’re in a big blow-up. But what if they were simply making an observation, and not deliberately trying to hurt you?

For a person on guard, they don’t hit the pause button and take the time to analyze the situation—they shoot first and ask questions later.

So what’s the effect on a partner?

They can become fearful of saying the wrong thing, and they will begin to walk on eggshells. It can lead to distancing, and that means your feelings of intimacy with your partner are going to stagnate—if not suffocate.

And more than likely, it means you and your partner aren’t having any fun, because everything has been covered in a veil of suspicion.

No intimacy… no fun… what should you do?

These next two tips should help you out…

2 Tips for Letting that Guard Down

You know yourself pretty well, right? And you know if you feel a bit guarded, fearful that your partner may hurt you.

If you feel you’ve gotten into the habit of being on guard, it’s time to undo the habit. The easiest way to do that is with these 2 tips:

Tip #1: Let Your Hair Down

It’s not so easy to tell someone, “Let your guard down” and then it just happens. There’s fear beneath the behavior. A person who holds fear often feels powerless.

An easier way to work into letting your guard down is to try something new with your partner, something that you’ll both enjoy. Keep an open mind that when you’re having fun, you should be pretty safe.

Tip #2: Plan a Positive Surprise

Think of something your partner loves to do and do it. Maybe take a day to explore something new or do an event that your partner will really enjoy. Do it even if it’s not something you’d normally be interested in.

You may be surprised yourself, when you find yourself thrilled when you see your partner’s response, and knowing that you are empowered to make positive changes in your outlook and in your relationship. My best to you in building intimacy through fun as you let down your guard.

The post Are You a Fun “Assassin? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1582214252) } [5]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(35) "Who’s Really Wrong? (Find Out…)" ["link"]=> string(65) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/02/20/whos-really-wrong-find-out/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Thu, 20 Feb 2020 15:50:18 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["category"]=> string(123) "Dating AdvicecommunicationEliminate the Angeremotionsfall in loveFalling Out of LoveRebuilding RomanceSave Your Marriagesex" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=4302" ["description"]=> string(596) "

When your man says something that you don’t agree with, do you think he’s just flat-out wrong? And then, do you try to convince him as to why exactly he is wrong? There are a lot of couples who are currently miserable with each other, but they can’t pinpoint what the problem is with their relationship. They can’t seem to […]

The post Who’s Really Wrong? (Find Out…) appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(3867) "

When your man says something that you don’t agree with, do you think he’s just flat-out wrong?

And then, do you try to convince him as to why exactly he is wrong?

There are a lot of couples who are currently miserable with each other, but they can’t pinpoint what the problem is with their relationship. They can’t seem to agree on anything, their points of view can be wildly divergent, and they wonder if they’ve made a mistake getting together in the first place.

Is that you and your partner?

I’m going to explain to you today how to do a perspective swap, and three tips for how to do it. Obviously, the perspective you and your partner currently have isn’t working out too well for you. Keep reading…

Why Can’t My Partner Think Just Like Me?

Isn’t it intriguing to think back on your early days of dating and remember how you hung on each other’s every word… eager to learn more about how each other thought about life?

During those early days, you liked that about each other—that you each had your own perspective. It was exciting, wasn’t it?

Then, you got comfy with each other… and something changed: you started to look at these differences of opinion as a bad thing. Suddenly, where you once found your partner charming, you now think that your partner is simply… wrong.

And it is this perspective, that your partner is wrong, that can destroy your relationship.

If you are nodding your head here, that when you don’t agree, you simply dismiss your partner is in the wrong—it’s time for a perspective swap.

Here are 3 tips to help you change your perspective:

Tip #1: Recalibrate your Response

When your partner says something you don’t agree with, you will need to hit your internal pause button and say this to yourself: “Just because my partner doesn’t agree with me, doesn’t mean my partner is wrong.”

Not everyone in the world shares the exact same ideas, views and opinions as everyone else—including your partner. Think differently than one another doesn’t make either of you wrong. It simply means you have different opinions, and so you need to modulate your response to reflect that.

Tip #2: Accept Your Partner as an Individual

Remember that you once found your partner’s ideas and opinions exciting: they weren’t exactly yours, and maybe they made for some stimulating conversation.

You fell for your partner for the individual that they are. Do you really want a carbon copy of yourself? If not, then remind yourself that you value your partner as the unique creation, the one-of-a-kind individual that he or she is.

Tip #3: Remind Yourself How You Value Your Partner

You may get frustrated when you and your partner don’t agree, but don’t slam the door of your heart on them just because your views aren’t in 100% alignment. Remember that you value this person, and therefore their perspective on things. You may not always agree, but you’re both still valuable for what you bring to the relationship.

My best to you in changing your perspective so you can focus on building a loving relationship.

The post Who’s Really Wrong? (Find Out…) appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(596) "

When your man says something that you don’t agree with, do you think he’s just flat-out wrong? And then, do you try to convince him as to why exactly he is wrong? There are a lot of couples who are currently miserable with each other, but they can’t pinpoint what the problem is with their relationship. They can’t seem to […]

The post Who’s Really Wrong? (Find Out…) appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(3867) "

When your man says something that you don’t agree with, do you think he’s just flat-out wrong?

And then, do you try to convince him as to why exactly he is wrong?

There are a lot of couples who are currently miserable with each other, but they can’t pinpoint what the problem is with their relationship. They can’t seem to agree on anything, their points of view can be wildly divergent, and they wonder if they’ve made a mistake getting together in the first place.

Is that you and your partner?

I’m going to explain to you today how to do a perspective swap, and three tips for how to do it. Obviously, the perspective you and your partner currently have isn’t working out too well for you. Keep reading…

Why Can’t My Partner Think Just Like Me?

Isn’t it intriguing to think back on your early days of dating and remember how you hung on each other’s every word… eager to learn more about how each other thought about life?

During those early days, you liked that about each other—that you each had your own perspective. It was exciting, wasn’t it?

Then, you got comfy with each other… and something changed: you started to look at these differences of opinion as a bad thing. Suddenly, where you once found your partner charming, you now think that your partner is simply… wrong.

And it is this perspective, that your partner is wrong, that can destroy your relationship.

If you are nodding your head here, that when you don’t agree, you simply dismiss your partner is in the wrong—it’s time for a perspective swap.

Here are 3 tips to help you change your perspective:

Tip #1: Recalibrate your Response

When your partner says something you don’t agree with, you will need to hit your internal pause button and say this to yourself: “Just because my partner doesn’t agree with me, doesn’t mean my partner is wrong.”

Not everyone in the world shares the exact same ideas, views and opinions as everyone else—including your partner. Think differently than one another doesn’t make either of you wrong. It simply means you have different opinions, and so you need to modulate your response to reflect that.

Tip #2: Accept Your Partner as an Individual

Remember that you once found your partner’s ideas and opinions exciting: they weren’t exactly yours, and maybe they made for some stimulating conversation.

You fell for your partner for the individual that they are. Do you really want a carbon copy of yourself? If not, then remind yourself that you value your partner as the unique creation, the one-of-a-kind individual that he or she is.

Tip #3: Remind Yourself How You Value Your Partner

You may get frustrated when you and your partner don’t agree, but don’t slam the door of your heart on them just because your views aren’t in 100% alignment. Remember that you value this person, and therefore their perspective on things. You may not always agree, but you’re both still valuable for what you bring to the relationship.

My best to you in changing your perspective so you can focus on building a loving relationship.

The post Who’s Really Wrong? (Find Out…) appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1582213818) } [6]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(47) "Save Your Relationship… Tried and True Advice" ["link"]=> string(83) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/02/20/save-your-relationship-tried-and-true-advice/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Thu, 20 Feb 2020 15:45:28 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["category"]=> string(170) "Relationship AdviceCheating SpousecommunicationDivorceEliminate the Angeremotionsfall in loveFalling Out of LoveRebuilding RomanceSave Your MarriagesexSurviving an Affair" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=4299" ["description"]=> string(619) "

You probably think you know everything there is to know about your partner. Which means, you no longer ask any questions.  After all, there’s nothing new to learn, and why rehash what you already know? If this is how you view your partner, it could be the death knell for your relationship, for one very significant reason. […]

The post Save Your Relationship… Tried and True Advice appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(3702) "

You probably think you know everything there is to know about your partner.

Which means, you no longer ask any questions.  After all, there’s nothing new to learn, and why rehash what you already know?

If this is how you view your partner, it could be the death knell for your relationship, for one very significant reason.

In this blog, I’ll tell you the reason your relationship could be in danger, and give you some tips to turn things around—using advice that has worked for thousands of people.  Read on…

Old Advice Stands Test of Time

It is said that people find other people to be interesting when they express interest in them.

Showing interest in others is one of the cornerstones of Dale Carnegie’s philosophy.  He discovered this truth ages ago… and it stands up to the test of time.  His whole concept of how to win friends was about showing an interest in them.

It sounds too easy, doesn’t it?

That may be why so many dismiss it… and never put this very effective wisdom into practice.  Human nature is to prefer talking about one’s self, so it goes against what many may find to be more natural to turn the spotlight outward.

So how does this apply to your relationship?

For starters, your partner is a person. So the principle should apply to them.  And, you are a person, so it will also apply to you.

For example, when someone asks you about yourself, how does it make you feel?  Do you feel some degree of pleasure in their taking an interest in you?

People want to feel seen, to feel as if they are important and worth getting to know.  Think about your partner.  Have you ever seen them at a party and watched as they talked to a new acquaintance?  Their eyes were alight and they were animated as they answered questions when asked about their likes, dislikes and opinions.

Or, have you watched your partner discuss one of their hobbies?  There’s a sparkle to them, right?

Here are 2 tips for seeing more of that sparkle…

Tip #1: Ask, Ask, and Ask Some More

If you haven’t asked your partner their opinion on something lately, try it.  You can start with a story you heard in the news.  Everyone has an opinion about the news, and they like to share it.

Hear your partner out.  Ask follow-up questions.  Listen, with your ears and your heart.

Tip #2: Bring Up What You’ve Recently Learned

To show your partner you have an interest in them, bring up something you’ve recently learned about them.  It can be a comment as simple as, “I saw a follow-up on that story we were talking about. The police chief said the same thing you did about that!”

This shows that you were paying attention and that you feel their opinion is important.

My best to you in showing your partner you’re interested in them.

The post Save Your Relationship… Tried and True Advice appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(619) "

You probably think you know everything there is to know about your partner. Which means, you no longer ask any questions.  After all, there’s nothing new to learn, and why rehash what you already know? If this is how you view your partner, it could be the death knell for your relationship, for one very significant reason. […]

The post Save Your Relationship… Tried and True Advice appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(3702) "

You probably think you know everything there is to know about your partner.

Which means, you no longer ask any questions.  After all, there’s nothing new to learn, and why rehash what you already know?

If this is how you view your partner, it could be the death knell for your relationship, for one very significant reason.

In this blog, I’ll tell you the reason your relationship could be in danger, and give you some tips to turn things around—using advice that has worked for thousands of people.  Read on…

Old Advice Stands Test of Time

It is said that people find other people to be interesting when they express interest in them.

Showing interest in others is one of the cornerstones of Dale Carnegie’s philosophy.  He discovered this truth ages ago… and it stands up to the test of time.  His whole concept of how to win friends was about showing an interest in them.

It sounds too easy, doesn’t it?

That may be why so many dismiss it… and never put this very effective wisdom into practice.  Human nature is to prefer talking about one’s self, so it goes against what many may find to be more natural to turn the spotlight outward.

So how does this apply to your relationship?

For starters, your partner is a person. So the principle should apply to them.  And, you are a person, so it will also apply to you.

For example, when someone asks you about yourself, how does it make you feel?  Do you feel some degree of pleasure in their taking an interest in you?

People want to feel seen, to feel as if they are important and worth getting to know.  Think about your partner.  Have you ever seen them at a party and watched as they talked to a new acquaintance?  Their eyes were alight and they were animated as they answered questions when asked about their likes, dislikes and opinions.

Or, have you watched your partner discuss one of their hobbies?  There’s a sparkle to them, right?

Here are 2 tips for seeing more of that sparkle…

Tip #1: Ask, Ask, and Ask Some More

If you haven’t asked your partner their opinion on something lately, try it.  You can start with a story you heard in the news.  Everyone has an opinion about the news, and they like to share it.

Hear your partner out.  Ask follow-up questions.  Listen, with your ears and your heart.

Tip #2: Bring Up What You’ve Recently Learned

To show your partner you have an interest in them, bring up something you’ve recently learned about them.  It can be a comment as simple as, “I saw a follow-up on that story we were talking about. The police chief said the same thing you did about that!”

This shows that you were paying attention and that you feel their opinion is important.

My best to you in showing your partner you’re interested in them.

The post Save Your Relationship… Tried and True Advice appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1582213528) } [7]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(39) "Marriage Problems And Emotional Control" ["link"]=> string(78) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/02/20/marriage-problems-and-emotional-control/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Thu, 20 Feb 2020 15:39:35 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["category"]=> string(118) "MarriagecommunicationEliminate the Angeremotionshow to save your marriagemarriageSave Your MarriageSurviving an Affair" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=4296" ["description"]=> string(674) "

Many marriage problems are the result of explosive emotional outbursts on the part of one or both spouses. Or, your marriage problem may include never expressing what you’re feeling to one another. While it’s important to acknowledge the emotions you feel, a balance must be struck so that you and your spouse can use emotions to come closer together—not drive an irreversible wedge […]

The post Marriage Problems And Emotional Control appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(5101) "

Many marriage problems are the result of explosive emotional outbursts on the part of one or both spouses. Or, your marriage problem may include never expressing what you’re feeling to one another.

While it’s important to acknowledge the emotions you feel, a balance must be struck so that you and your spouse can use emotions to come closer together—not drive an irreversible wedge between yourselves that kills intimacy.

In today’s blog, we’ll explore how emotions can have an impact on marriage, including its problems. Please keep reading to get 3 valuable tips…

Emotions Run Amok

There are some people who are uncomfortable with their emotions. If this describes you, maybe you grew up in a home where emotions were tightly kept, never openly displayed.

Or, maybe you’re just the opposite: very comfortable with expressing how you feel. Your upbringing may be characterized by people who actively engaged in heartfelt emotions that ran the gamut from love to intense anger. To you, it may be perfectly natural to shout when you want to express your frustrations, etc.

Marriage problems can occur in one of several ways:

1-    Both partners do not openly express their emotions.

2-    Only one partner expresses their emotions, the other is sealed shut.

3-    Both partners actively share their emotions.

The marriage problems begin when people become firmly entrenched in their method: one partner stays shut off while the other is angry all the time because he/she cannot get through to their partner. Or, both partners have actively shared their emotions—but they only know how to express themselves by yelling at one another.

Side Effects of Emotional Expression Forms

When emotions aren’t controlled properly, a side effect is the decay of intimacy. How can you feel close to someone who shouts when they’re angry, or never opens up?

And this loss of intimacy is keenly felt, which can lead to partners feeling a range of emotions that become difficult to let go of: indignation, self-pity, self-righteousness, intense anger, frustration—just to name a few.

It becomes more and more difficult to bridge the widening gap when emotions are not worked out and shared in a healthy manner.

The following 3 tips are to help you control emotional expression:

Tip 1: Make Regular Talk Time

One common marriage problem is that many couples get into a communication rut: they talk about mundane things such as household chores, but completely ignore the deeper talks they need as a couple to feel melded together.

Basically, you may have become lazy in your relationship, stuck in a pattern of shouting, silent treatments, or blatant disregard.

Schedule a regular time to talk, to explore what’s beneath the surface. Which leads me to the next tip…

Tip 2: Create a Safe Haven

Whether you have trouble expressing your feelings or no trouble whatsoever, ask yourself: have we created a safe space for both of us to express ourselves, free of contempt, defensiveness and anger?

Maybe your spouse won’t open up to you because he or she feels vulnerable due to your shouting when you’re angered by something. Or, you shout in order to feel you’re really being heard. It’s important that both you and your spouse feel that you can turn to one another and express your deepest emotions—and not be hurt by the other’s reaction, which leads to…

Tip 3: Set Ground Rules

If you and your spouse need to have a discussion in which you know it may become highly volatile, it’s best to have pre-established ground rules for these types of talks. It will be a habit to develop, to know when to step away. For example, if you feel yourself become more angry (giveaways include increased pulse rate, tension in your muscles), you would say, “I need to step away and cool down. I will let you know when I have myself within control again.”

This is not a method that should be abused, as a way to get out from under heavy discussions. Rather, it is a tool that is used as needed in order to keep those discussions on track, free of hostility and recriminations.

My best to you as you resolve your marriage problems and grow stronger together.

The post Marriage Problems And Emotional Control appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(674) "

Many marriage problems are the result of explosive emotional outbursts on the part of one or both spouses. Or, your marriage problem may include never expressing what you’re feeling to one another. While it’s important to acknowledge the emotions you feel, a balance must be struck so that you and your spouse can use emotions to come closer together—not drive an irreversible wedge […]

The post Marriage Problems And Emotional Control appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(5101) "

Many marriage problems are the result of explosive emotional outbursts on the part of one or both spouses. Or, your marriage problem may include never expressing what you’re feeling to one another.

While it’s important to acknowledge the emotions you feel, a balance must be struck so that you and your spouse can use emotions to come closer together—not drive an irreversible wedge between yourselves that kills intimacy.

In today’s blog, we’ll explore how emotions can have an impact on marriage, including its problems. Please keep reading to get 3 valuable tips…

Emotions Run Amok

There are some people who are uncomfortable with their emotions. If this describes you, maybe you grew up in a home where emotions were tightly kept, never openly displayed.

Or, maybe you’re just the opposite: very comfortable with expressing how you feel. Your upbringing may be characterized by people who actively engaged in heartfelt emotions that ran the gamut from love to intense anger. To you, it may be perfectly natural to shout when you want to express your frustrations, etc.

Marriage problems can occur in one of several ways:

1-    Both partners do not openly express their emotions.

2-    Only one partner expresses their emotions, the other is sealed shut.

3-    Both partners actively share their emotions.

The marriage problems begin when people become firmly entrenched in their method: one partner stays shut off while the other is angry all the time because he/she cannot get through to their partner. Or, both partners have actively shared their emotions—but they only know how to express themselves by yelling at one another.

Side Effects of Emotional Expression Forms

When emotions aren’t controlled properly, a side effect is the decay of intimacy. How can you feel close to someone who shouts when they’re angry, or never opens up?

And this loss of intimacy is keenly felt, which can lead to partners feeling a range of emotions that become difficult to let go of: indignation, self-pity, self-righteousness, intense anger, frustration—just to name a few.

It becomes more and more difficult to bridge the widening gap when emotions are not worked out and shared in a healthy manner.

The following 3 tips are to help you control emotional expression:

Tip 1: Make Regular Talk Time

One common marriage problem is that many couples get into a communication rut: they talk about mundane things such as household chores, but completely ignore the deeper talks they need as a couple to feel melded together.

Basically, you may have become lazy in your relationship, stuck in a pattern of shouting, silent treatments, or blatant disregard.

Schedule a regular time to talk, to explore what’s beneath the surface. Which leads me to the next tip…

Tip 2: Create a Safe Haven

Whether you have trouble expressing your feelings or no trouble whatsoever, ask yourself: have we created a safe space for both of us to express ourselves, free of contempt, defensiveness and anger?

Maybe your spouse won’t open up to you because he or she feels vulnerable due to your shouting when you’re angered by something. Or, you shout in order to feel you’re really being heard. It’s important that both you and your spouse feel that you can turn to one another and express your deepest emotions—and not be hurt by the other’s reaction, which leads to…

Tip 3: Set Ground Rules

If you and your spouse need to have a discussion in which you know it may become highly volatile, it’s best to have pre-established ground rules for these types of talks. It will be a habit to develop, to know when to step away. For example, if you feel yourself become more angry (giveaways include increased pulse rate, tension in your muscles), you would say, “I need to step away and cool down. I will let you know when I have myself within control again.”

This is not a method that should be abused, as a way to get out from under heavy discussions. Rather, it is a tool that is used as needed in order to keep those discussions on track, free of hostility and recriminations.

My best to you as you resolve your marriage problems and grow stronger together.

The post Marriage Problems And Emotional Control appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1582213175) } [8]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(41) "1 Weird Idea to Draw Bored Partner Closer" ["link"]=> string(80) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/02/20/1-weird-idea-to-draw-bored-partner-closer/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Thu, 20 Feb 2020 15:34:36 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["category"]=> string(163) "Relationship AdviceCheating SpousecommunicationEliminate the Angeremotionsfall in loveFalling Out of LoveRebuilding RomanceSave Your MarriagesexSurviving an Affair" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=4293" ["description"]=> string(640) "

Is your partner bored with you? You know the signs. We’ll go over them in this blog. I’ll also tell you how to re-spark your partner’s interest—in a most unexpected way. Keep reading, there’s more… Signs that Your Partner Isn’t Into You (Right Now) What can be more heartbreaking than to think our partner has suddenly lost interest in us? […]

The post 1 Weird Idea to Draw Bored Partner Closer appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(4852) "

Is your partner bored with you?

You know the signs. We’ll go over them in this blog.

I’ll also tell you how to re-spark your partner’s interest—in a most unexpected way. Keep reading, there’s more…

Signs that Your Partner Isn’t Into You (Right Now)

What can be more heartbreaking than to think our partner has suddenly lost interest in us?

Where once he or she hung on your every word, wanted to spend time with you, and made you feel important to them, now it’s…

Ho hum. Blending in with the wallpaper.

There are a few signs that could indicate your partner has lost interest in you:

Now, let’s look at those from another angle. While these can indicate your partner has lost some of that early interest in you, it can also signal something else:

While that’s good on the one hand, on the other—maybe he or she is taking you for granted, and that has to stop.

Failed Bids for Attention

When you get that first inkling that your partner’s interest in you has begun to fade, you may panic. You want that attention back now… you don’t want to lose this person you love, right?

So maybe you lash out in fear, frustration and anger. You yell to get your partner’s attention. You get a response: your partner gets as heated as you. Now you have their attention, but it’s negative attention. And contrary to what you may think, negative attention is NOT better than no attention at all.

Or, you go to the other end of the spectrum: you curl up into yourself and give the silent treatment. This pushing away may serve to get your partner to give you chase—let them worry about losing you and your attention, right?

Both of these methods of trying to regain your partner’s attention may work in the very short term, but they are still failed bids for attention. That’s because they create a sort of panic reaction—and panic fades over time.

You need to go for a winning bid for attention.

The Weird Method of Getting—and Keeping—Your Partner’s Attention

If you want to regain your partner’s attention, and not have to resort to the screamfest or silent treatment methods, then you need to do this:

Pull away.

At first, you may think that looks suspiciously like the silent treatment, but here’s how it’s different…

You do it without attitude.

Let me explain. Sometimes, you can expend a lot of energy into trying to make a relationship work by giving it an overabundance of attention—and your partner may get used to you doing that and become a bit lazy in doing the same. They’re used to your getting overly passionate about it, by initiating an argument when things get dicey, maybe, or going into silent mode to show your hurt feelings. Bizarre as it sounds, this lets your partner know you still care and are invested.

Now, if you pull away a bit, you become a mystery to your partner. Maybe you sign up for a class, or meet up with your best friend for a drink on a Friday night instead of being available to your partner. Suddenly, your partner—who thought they knew everything there was to know about you—is second-guessing that notion. And, they are getting a taste of what it would be like without you.

The idea here is, they need to invest in the relationship and stop taking you for granted or think of you as “ho hum”, or they just may lose you.

Strangely, this method tends to draw people closer to you. Weird, but true.

My best to you in regaining your partner’s interest.

The post 1 Weird Idea to Draw Bored Partner Closer appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(640) "

Is your partner bored with you? You know the signs. We’ll go over them in this blog. I’ll also tell you how to re-spark your partner’s interest—in a most unexpected way. Keep reading, there’s more… Signs that Your Partner Isn’t Into You (Right Now) What can be more heartbreaking than to think our partner has suddenly lost interest in us? […]

The post 1 Weird Idea to Draw Bored Partner Closer appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(4852) "

Is your partner bored with you?

You know the signs. We’ll go over them in this blog.

I’ll also tell you how to re-spark your partner’s interest—in a most unexpected way. Keep reading, there’s more…

Signs that Your Partner Isn’t Into You (Right Now)

What can be more heartbreaking than to think our partner has suddenly lost interest in us?

Where once he or she hung on your every word, wanted to spend time with you, and made you feel important to them, now it’s…

Ho hum. Blending in with the wallpaper.

There are a few signs that could indicate your partner has lost interest in you:

Now, let’s look at those from another angle. While these can indicate your partner has lost some of that early interest in you, it can also signal something else:

While that’s good on the one hand, on the other—maybe he or she is taking you for granted, and that has to stop.

Failed Bids for Attention

When you get that first inkling that your partner’s interest in you has begun to fade, you may panic. You want that attention back now… you don’t want to lose this person you love, right?

So maybe you lash out in fear, frustration and anger. You yell to get your partner’s attention. You get a response: your partner gets as heated as you. Now you have their attention, but it’s negative attention. And contrary to what you may think, negative attention is NOT better than no attention at all.

Or, you go to the other end of the spectrum: you curl up into yourself and give the silent treatment. This pushing away may serve to get your partner to give you chase—let them worry about losing you and your attention, right?

Both of these methods of trying to regain your partner’s attention may work in the very short term, but they are still failed bids for attention. That’s because they create a sort of panic reaction—and panic fades over time.

You need to go for a winning bid for attention.

The Weird Method of Getting—and Keeping—Your Partner’s Attention

If you want to regain your partner’s attention, and not have to resort to the screamfest or silent treatment methods, then you need to do this:

Pull away.

At first, you may think that looks suspiciously like the silent treatment, but here’s how it’s different…

You do it without attitude.

Let me explain. Sometimes, you can expend a lot of energy into trying to make a relationship work by giving it an overabundance of attention—and your partner may get used to you doing that and become a bit lazy in doing the same. They’re used to your getting overly passionate about it, by initiating an argument when things get dicey, maybe, or going into silent mode to show your hurt feelings. Bizarre as it sounds, this lets your partner know you still care and are invested.

Now, if you pull away a bit, you become a mystery to your partner. Maybe you sign up for a class, or meet up with your best friend for a drink on a Friday night instead of being available to your partner. Suddenly, your partner—who thought they knew everything there was to know about you—is second-guessing that notion. And, they are getting a taste of what it would be like without you.

The idea here is, they need to invest in the relationship and stop taking you for granted or think of you as “ho hum”, or they just may lose you.

Strangely, this method tends to draw people closer to you. Weird, but true.

My best to you in regaining your partner’s interest.

The post 1 Weird Idea to Draw Bored Partner Closer appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1582212876) } [9]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(35) "How He Really Feels Close to You…" ["link"]=> string(71) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/02/20/how-he-really-feels-close-to-you/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Thu, 20 Feb 2020 15:29:38 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["category"]=> string(129) "Relationship AdvicecommunicationEliminate the Angeremotionsfall in loveFalling Out of LoveRebuilding RomanceSave Your Marriagesex" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=4290" ["description"]=> string(576) "

Maybe you can’t get your man’s attention accept through one particular way that seems to work: withholding sex. This may seem like the ideal way to get a man to perk up and pay attention, and yes—it may even accomplish that. But while it might temporarily grab his attention, it is absolutely one of the […]

The post How He Really Feels Close to You… appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(4279) "

Maybe you can’t get your man’s attention accept through one particular way that seems to work: withholding sex.

This may seem like the ideal way to get a man to perk up and pay attention, and yes—it may even accomplish that.

But while it might temporarily grab his attention, it is absolutely one of the most destructive things you can do to your relationship—and most women have no idea.

I’m going to explain to you exactly why, and what you can do instead to ensure that you are bringing him closer to you rather than shoving him away with both hands. Please keep reading…

Relational Researchers Discover How Men Gauge their Relationship Happiness

Sometimes, your partner may seem to be off in his own world and not appreciating you as fully as he should, or he has been negligent in spending quality time with you.

Then, it seems when he’s in the mood for a little romper-rumble in the bedroom… he’s suddenly into you.

Women can use sex in one of two ways that are destructive:

It can be very tempting to make liberal use of this tactic for getting something you want if he has been dragging his feet, or to show your displeasure if he has done something wrong. Sex is something where men seem to pay attention, and so that’s why you think this is a fool-proof method for getting through to him.

But here’s what it really does: it cuts off the #1 way your man feels close and connected to you. In fact, sex is so important to him—relational researchers have found that a man who is sexually satisfied in his relationship is a top indicator that the relationship will last.

So if you cut him off at his knees here… he has a little voice inside of him saying, “I’m miserable in this relationship,” because he uses sex as a gauge for the health of the relationship. He thinks that when he’s having sex regularly, his relationship is healthy and he is therefore happy.

So the tactic of withholding sex? It’s an epic fail, and one you need to stop doing immediately—if there is no physical reason for you to not be having sex—if you want your relationship to last.

In addition to just stopping with the withholding, here is what you need to do instead:

Step #1: Be Conscious of Your Response

Withholding sex can become a habit, and as you’ve just learned—a habit that is very destructive to your relationship. You will need to be conscious of those times when you feel the urge to punish or use sex as an incentive.

Simply listen to your response when your man asks for sex. Or, what are you thinking when you are getting ready to give your response? “No way, not after how you acted when we were out last night…” is the type of thing you may be tempted to say. Think first before responding.

Step #2: Face Your Issue Head-on

If you are tempted to withhold sex because you’re upset about something, or you want him to do something, then go for what the issue is head on.

You could say, “Yes, let’s have sex, but I want us to agree that later on this evening, we have a talk about something that has been bothering me, which was your behavior last night. Let’s not let that ruin our moment now, agreed?”

This helps your man feel closer to you because he is able to engage in sex, but also lets him know he’s not off the hook for handling some other things going on in the relationship. As you can see, things are kept in their separate boxes: sex is sex, issues and problems are something else entirely.

My best to you in bringing your man closer to you.

The post How He Really Feels Close to You… appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(576) "

Maybe you can’t get your man’s attention accept through one particular way that seems to work: withholding sex. This may seem like the ideal way to get a man to perk up and pay attention, and yes—it may even accomplish that. But while it might temporarily grab his attention, it is absolutely one of the […]

The post How He Really Feels Close to You… appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(4279) "

Maybe you can’t get your man’s attention accept through one particular way that seems to work: withholding sex.

This may seem like the ideal way to get a man to perk up and pay attention, and yes—it may even accomplish that.

But while it might temporarily grab his attention, it is absolutely one of the most destructive things you can do to your relationship—and most women have no idea.

I’m going to explain to you exactly why, and what you can do instead to ensure that you are bringing him closer to you rather than shoving him away with both hands. Please keep reading…

Relational Researchers Discover How Men Gauge their Relationship Happiness

Sometimes, your partner may seem to be off in his own world and not appreciating you as fully as he should, or he has been negligent in spending quality time with you.

Then, it seems when he’s in the mood for a little romper-rumble in the bedroom… he’s suddenly into you.

Women can use sex in one of two ways that are destructive:

It can be very tempting to make liberal use of this tactic for getting something you want if he has been dragging his feet, or to show your displeasure if he has done something wrong. Sex is something where men seem to pay attention, and so that’s why you think this is a fool-proof method for getting through to him.

But here’s what it really does: it cuts off the #1 way your man feels close and connected to you. In fact, sex is so important to him—relational researchers have found that a man who is sexually satisfied in his relationship is a top indicator that the relationship will last.

So if you cut him off at his knees here… he has a little voice inside of him saying, “I’m miserable in this relationship,” because he uses sex as a gauge for the health of the relationship. He thinks that when he’s having sex regularly, his relationship is healthy and he is therefore happy.

So the tactic of withholding sex? It’s an epic fail, and one you need to stop doing immediately—if there is no physical reason for you to not be having sex—if you want your relationship to last.

In addition to just stopping with the withholding, here is what you need to do instead:

Step #1: Be Conscious of Your Response

Withholding sex can become a habit, and as you’ve just learned—a habit that is very destructive to your relationship. You will need to be conscious of those times when you feel the urge to punish or use sex as an incentive.

Simply listen to your response when your man asks for sex. Or, what are you thinking when you are getting ready to give your response? “No way, not after how you acted when we were out last night…” is the type of thing you may be tempted to say. Think first before responding.

Step #2: Face Your Issue Head-on

If you are tempted to withhold sex because you’re upset about something, or you want him to do something, then go for what the issue is head on.

You could say, “Yes, let’s have sex, but I want us to agree that later on this evening, we have a talk about something that has been bothering me, which was your behavior last night. Let’s not let that ruin our moment now, agreed?”

This helps your man feel closer to you because he is able to engage in sex, but also lets him know he’s not off the hook for handling some other things going on in the relationship. As you can see, things are kept in their separate boxes: sex is sex, issues and problems are something else entirely.

My best to you in bringing your man closer to you.

The post How He Really Feels Close to You… appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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